Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!

This is just so sad. You know, parents send their children off to school in good faith - good faith that the teachers and administrators are qualified to do their jobs, that they will have the children's best interests at heart, and that they will be good role models for the children when their parents can't be there. School is an important part of the socialization process for children, where they meet their peers and learn both educational and life lessons. Teachers are supposed to be like second parents, to identify children's talents and strength and then nurture and foster them. But this? I really have no words. These so-called "educators" really should face the full consequences of their actions, because not only did they forsake the children's best interests to protect their own, but by cheating and falsifying test results, they denied those children the right to a proper education. They didn't just cheat the system; they cheated those kids out of the opportunity to gain the most knowledge as possible, and address areas in which they might possibly need a bit more help. And for what? All for the sake of a merit raise. It's disgusting. Good thing I don't have any kids yet . . . I'd better start saving my Benjamins, because with this impending move to Atlanta, private school is sounding more and more attractive.

It's High Time . . .

. . .that the Federal government legalize marijuana, don't you think? Don't worry, agreeing with that statement doesn't make you a raging pot head, or a drugged-out hippie. What it makes you is practical. No, really. I was flipping through the channels late last night, and happened upon a documentary on the History Channel, called "Marijuana: A Chronic History." Wow. Talk about mind blowing. The statistics alone are enough to make any logical person think twice about the legalization of marijuana. Don't believe me? See below, naysayers. You just might learn something (all facts taken from the aforementioned documentary).

Did you know . . .

• As of 2010, the United States boasted a population of 308,745,538? Out of that number, over 100 million (100,000,000) people have reported that they have smoked marijuana at least once before; 20 million (20,000,000) of those people smoke it regularly.
• Despite the fact that marijuana was considered legal tender in the days of America's Founding Fathers, marijuana has resulted in the most arrests in the "War on Drugs."
• At any given time, there are over 60,000 people jailed because of marijuana.
• There are currently 60-80 people serving life sentences marijuana-only offenses.
• One person is arrested every 37 seconds for marijuana-related crimes.

Okay, so here are some more interesting little morsels of marijuana factoids to go along with what you've already read. There is a proven racial disparity between African-American/Hispanic offenders and Caucasian offenders; Blacks and Mexicans are arrested and convicted at three times the rate of Whites on marijuana charges. New York City is one of the nation's leaders in this discrimination. For every one Caucasian arrested on marijuana charges, there are NINE Blacks/Hispanics arrested in NYC. That's pretty significant, no?

But all of that aside, the real fact that every taxpayer should know is that our Federal government spends about $13.7 BILLION on marijuana possession crimes. I kid you not. Almost fourteen billion dollars to enforce laws that prohibit a drug that is proven to be far less harmful than tobacco. Really?! So here's my question: when will the government wake up and smell the cannabis and realize that it would greatly behoove our wonderful country if everybody just would relax and go ahead and legalize marijuana? I mean, this is really ridiculous. Let's face facts, people are never going to stop smoking pot. It is impossible to completely eradicate it; therefore, it is impossible to truly prohibit it. So why not make a profit off of it? The government is doing itself (and us taxpayers) a huge disservice by refusing to stop the prohibition and demonization of marijuana. If they would just go ahead and legalize it (and, in turn, tax the mess out of it), do you know how much they could make in tax revenue?? Well, tobacco and alcohol sales generate over $17 billion in tax revenue, alone. So if that is any indication, assuming marijuana would be taxed at a rate similar to that of tobacco (40-50% excise and sales tax), a $40 billion marijuana market (the tobacco market is about $75 billion) would yield about $17-20 billion in tax revenue (See diagram below).

Source

Now, wouldn't that $20 billion be helpful, considering our current national budget calls for deficit spending . . . not to mention the tiny little detail of our national debt, which at last count was $14,447,351,480,691. No, wait. It's $14,447,351,500,336 now - because it's going nowhere but up . . . by the second. Have you ever seen so many commas in a dollar figure? Do you even know how to say that number out loud?? It's depressing. Apparently, America is just a nation with overall bad credit. So wouldn't you think that $20 billion in marijuana tax revenue could maybe do a little bit of good? Maybe? Especially when you take into consideration that legalization would also take away the need for that pesky $13.7 billion being spent to wage war on a relatively harmless substance. Oh yeah, and it would help with overcrowding in jails/prisons, AND offer the enterprising, marijuana-selling citizens of America an opportunity to do business on the up-and-up, without need for concern about imprisonment. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Listen, I'm not trying to force my humble opinion on you. If you agree with the demonization of marijuana* and cannot at all see the positives associated with its legalization, that's your business. All I ask is that you really weigh out the pros and cons. Remember, just because it's legal, it doesn't mean you have to smoke it; it just means you can. Wouldn't it be refreshing to have the option? Isn't that the premise that our country was founded upon? Democracy and the freedom of choice? I'm just saying. I don't smoke pot, either . . . but I'm fairly reasonable and can see that there are some major benefits to its legalization. For your convenience, I've given you a head start by including the first 15 minutes of that crazy informative documentary. Do me a favor and check it out! Do some research. Read the facts. If you find yourself nodding your head and suddenly agreeing vehemently with the points I made above, don't be surprised. It really is the practical choice. So when that happens - write your public officials! Send letters written on hemp and scented delicately with the essence of cannabis (grown hydroponically, please - nothing but the best and kindest) to your state Congressman. Maybe the extra subtle hints will do the trick. It takes a village, people! And if this village all rallied together, perhaps then we could solve the problems of the world with a simple toke off the proverbial peace pipe.  Peace and love. :)




*Wow. I really used the word "marijuana" a lot on this blog. I hope it doesn't raise any weird governmental red flags that are now going to be tied to my name for the rest of my life. Because that would suck. Especially since I don't even smoke the stuff. Haha if you took a drink every time I said "marijuana" in this post, you'd be pret-ty intoxicated. I'd tell you to try it, but alcohol has long-term negative effects that are exponentially worse than those of marijuana. I don't want you to endanger yourself on my account.

The Joys of Peer Reviews

As you know, I currently do triple duty as a devoted employee, wife and student, which can honestly be overwhelming at times . . . but I'm handling it. I think. But if you're ever wondering what the hell is taking me so long to put up a post . . . cut me some slack, okay? Because I'm probably studying. Or doing homework. Or working on a multi-million dollar presentation. Or doing laundry, or dishes . . . or something else equally as glamorous. Don't be jealous. It's a fantastic juggling act, but somebody's gotta do it.

That said, I'm currently taking one of the most pointless classes I could have possibly ever taken, for the simple reason that I need to fulfill some stupid prerequisite. I'm pretty sure that I can probably write circles around these young Texans. (Especially considering the slanted state of their secondary education curriculae . . . did everyone hear about the whole textbook debate debacle last year?! Uh . . . yeah. 'Nuff said. Oh wait, actually - I feel the need to mention that Fox News [conveniently] left out other changes, including the downplayed role of Thomas Jefferson in the proposed textbooks. Right; you heard me. Thomas. Jefferson.) My theory is supported by cold, hard, facts. We have been working to complete our first essay assignment, which is a critical analysis of a short story. The whole process has been rather lengthy, because we first had to submit a rough draft to obtain two peer reviews, and then incorporate those reviews into our final draft. So, I of course waited until the last minute to turn in my rough draft (don't judge; i'm a juggler, remember?), and I'm pretty sure I ended up with the bottom of the barrel of peer reviewers. Don't believe me? In the spirit of asphinctersayswhat, please have a look-see below for a snippet from one of my reviews:  (Unless you have the eyesight of a hawk, you should probably click on the image to enlarge it. Pay special attention to the comment bubbles on the right; my essay really is inconsequential here.)

*blinkblinkblink* ISSHESERIOUS?! I love how she makes all of these gentle suggestions on how I should re-format my perfectly good sentences to better suit her parameters . . . and her parameters are obviously not something I should be concerned with, considering she corrected my possessive "its" to "it's." Yeah, that's right. I apparently need to change my possessive pronoun (even though I was modifying a noun, but whatever) to a contraction. How could I have overlooked such an error? The funny thing is, this is only a snippet of her review. What you're seeing actually happens to be the FOURTH time she corrected me on this glaringly obvious (sarcasm) error. Perhaps I should point her in the direction of my "5 Ways to Avoid Making Silly Mistakes That Might Make You Look Dumber Than You Are." Although, I'm confident that her silly mistakes don't make her look dumber than she is . . . she probably truly is just that dumb. I also like how she suggested that I change a proper noun to a pronoun, when I go on to use about a million pronouns after that sentence. Oh, okay. So I guess it's not that important to identify who "he" is? Got it. I'll make sure to remember that next time. 

Okay, but my favorite part, the one that really took the cake, was the fourth comment she made regarding my usage of the word "than." Hahahaha! I genuinely laughed out loud when I read it. What a FANTASTIC explanation she gave (and I quote): "This is tricky, if your using than to describe different persons it is correct. If you would like to show the differences of change from when the story began, you would use then. I think than may cause a little more confusion than then." Ummmm . . . first of all, less confusion for whom? Because I wasn't at all confused, thanks. Second of all, I'm fairly certain that if you don't even recognize the need for the contraction version of the word "you're," I probably shouldn't be taking YOUR grammatical advice. Thirdly, whuck?! What? The? Hell? Is? She? Talking? About? If I'm using "than" to describe different persons? I can't even see what she's saying. Hmmm . . . I guess she was trying to say that "than" is used for comparisons . . . which it is; however, I suppose she failed to recognize that I was CLEARLY making a comparison in that sentence? I don't think "than" is actually the word she has problems with. It sounds like she really needs a clearer understanding of what the word "then" means. 

Yikes. Education, shmeducation. These are your tax dollars hard at work, folks. Let's just say that I'm glad I grew up in the Sunshine State, where Thomas Jefferson is known to be one of the principal authors of the Declaration of Independence; the Civil War was not merely a case of sectionalism, but also mostly about ending slavery; America is still a democratic nation; capitalism still exists, and people know the difference between pronouns, contractions, conjunctions and adverbs.*

*No offense to all my Texas readers out there. Maybe it's an accent thing? Like my co-worker from the panhandle, who insists on referring to her heels as "hills." Yeah . . . on second thought, I'm not convinced that's actually an accent thing. I think she might just be country. She also likes "pre-proportioned" meals, because they're better for you and you eat less. *blinkblinkblink*

Gitmo Got Mo’ Civilians than Terrorists

Well, I’m about halfway into my morning, and I came across an interesting article about Guantanamo Bay. Apparently, 1/5 of the inmates being held at Gitmo were arbitrarily imprisoned and cannot be directly linked to terrorism, or any enemy combatants, for that matter (thanks, wikileaks).

Really, America? (Hold onto your hats, kids. This is about to get really wordy.)

I can’t say that I’m surprised. We all had to know that there was some fishy business going on down there in Cuba, right? Why else would the prison be located in a place that Americans are not permitted to visit? Due to bans on trade and poor relations with Fidel Commie Badass Castro, you would think that Cuba would be the last place to house a US detention facility…but I digress. I have to say – I’m not surprised in the least. America has a history [albeit a quiet, little-known one] of concentration internment camps for when the going gets tough.

Uh-oh. Did I just lose some of you? It’s true; I swear. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. Don’t worry; this isn’t going to turn into some conspiracy theory blog. I just think it’s important to educate our society about the real history of America, with all of its blemishes, witch hunts and dirty little secrets. Otherwise, how will our future children learn from our mistakes (and our parents mistakes, and their parents mistakes, and so on and so forth)? Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Concentration Internment camps. Yeah. We had ‘em. Here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. Not something you hear about too often, but true, nonetheless.

During WWII, American concentration internment camps were pretty much the new black. You know how the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor in 1941? Well, much like the Twin Towers nightmare in 2001, that bombing induced a state of mass hysteria, which ultimately led to a rabid focus on Japanese-Americans. Yeah. You read right. Japanese-AMERICANS. People of Japanese descent living in America. American citizens, even. So FDR signed Executive Order 9066 and about 120,000 people of Japanese descent were forced from their homes and normal lives and shipped off to concentration internment camps. More than 2/3 of the prisoners internees were American citizens; 1/2 of them were children. Riddle me this: exactly how would children act as government spies? I'm just curious. Special training, like with the Olympics? If that’s the case, the Chinese could potentially have a whole gang of diminutive spies. After watching the opening games in Beijing, I’m pretty sure they might be the only ones who could orchestrate an army of in-tempo, drum-beating, awe-inspiring, awesome, little brainiac children with amazing attention spans and the courage of ten full-grown lions. None of those that were imprisoned detained were convicted of treason. In fact, during the war, a grand total of TEN people were convicted of spying for Japan…they were all Caucasian.

The fun doesn't stop there: there were also German concentration internment camps in the US, which [not so] surprisingly, were filled not only with Nazis and Nazi supporters, but with regular German citizens (who obviously had direct liaisons with Hitler). What’s really interesting is that the Nazi prisoners were often allowed to act as enforcers in these camps, because the Americans appreciated the discipline and order that they instilled amongst the prisoners. Hmmm…I can’t really wrap my mind around that. If they appreciated the “discipline and order” of the Nazis, perhaps they were fighting on the wrong side. This is confusing to me.

…and last, but certainly not least, let’s not forget REX 84, originally established as an answer to the imminent threat of an immigrant invasion from Mexico. Ha! Imminent threat? Immigrant invasion? From Mexico? I’m not holding my breath on this one. I have a feeling I’ll be riding a hoverboard before our immediate neighbor to the south rallies the troops and invades our country. But that’s just me. Proactive, yes? Silly, double [hell] yes. Interestingly, an Executive Order from the Bush/Cheney Administration repurposed these existing facilities to ones that would accommodate any need we might have to detain dissidents and others that might be harmful to the US. Oh yeah, and as a place for Americans to go in a state of emergency.

Ummm…I’ve seen the movies. Martial Law? Nah, I’m gonna go ahead and pass on the government trucks transporting loads of Americans to camps lined with barbed wire “for their protection.” Although, I don’t know about you – but the idea of these camps is kind of a huge relief for me. I often spend my days wondering where dissidents will be sent to their doom. Thanks, guys. That's one less thing to lie awake at night feeling anxious about. I feel a lot safer knowing that I don’t have to worry about it anymore; we have an array of concentration camps waiting to be filled up right here.*** Hurry up and follow through with that Executive Order, Obama! Don’t fret; we’ve got lots of space.


For you naysayers:
Read more about Japanese Internment Camps here.
Read more about REX 84 here.
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*In case you missed it, that was sarcasm.

**Fingers crossed that Kim Jong-Il quits dicking around (or just disappears altogether) so I don’t have to worry about being seized in the night. Hmmm…maybe I’d catch a break since I’m only half? Food for thought…

Some People Don't Talk That Good...

Believe it or not, I’m actually starting to feel like myself again! It’s nice to rejoin the land of the living. Now that I’m feeling better, methinks it’s time for a grammar lesson! I happen to think that it’s really important to use correct grammar and vocabulary, especially when writing emails or documents for business. Let’s face it: nobody uses perfect English when they speak…and that’s fine…conversationally. But when writing an email to your resident head honcho, you should probably try to sound intelligent (even if you aren’t). I’m just saying…fake it 'til you make it.

So, today’s post is a quick little grammar lesson on common mistakes that make people make that I personally have observed. If you are one of those people that don’t care – more power to you! I’m not judging…but I can’t promise that nobody else will. If you think that you have mastered the commonalities of the English language, perhaps this post isn’t for you. But just like those days in elementary school, please be patient for the students who do need this quick refresher.[1]

Shall we begin? Let’s call this little lesson…

5 Ways to Avoid Making Silly Mistakes That Might Make You Look Dumber Than You Are

1.      To/Two/Too – This one probably seems very basic, but you’d be surprised to know that many people still make this error. This is one example of the English language that I would imagine makes it a very difficult language to learn. These words are called homophones, because they sound alike, but are spelled differently and have different meanings. I would hope that most people at least know enough not to mix “two” up with the other two words ; it’s obviously a numerical value (like how I did that, there?).

A handy way to know which of the other two to use (because they are confused constantly): Sometimes it helps to just eliminate an option. Try to remember that the only meanings of “too” are “also” (I wish you had paid attention in elementary school grammar, too.) and “in excess” (Some people are too ignorant to care if they get it right.). Note the extra O; that will remind you that this word has to do with adding more on to something.

2.      Your/You’re – I have to admit; this one gets me. You’d think that since one of the words is obviously a contraction, people wouldn’t easily confuse the two.

Here’s an easy tip: “You’re” is always a contraction of “you are.” Anytime you write “you’re,” if you substitute “you are,” and it sounds stupid…you used the wrong word, stupid! Haha okay, okay…you aren’t stupid; you're confused. You just need to use the word “your,” instead (see how I tied that all together for you?).

If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m really liking these contextual examples. Okay, moving on…

3.      Its/It’s – Oh, man. This one is another big pet peeve of mine. See #2. Substitute “it is” or “it has” anytime you want to use “it’s.” If it doesn’t fit, you don’t know how to speak English (and you’re using the wrong word). Okay, calm down. That was a little harsh. I'm sure you speak English very well. I know you want to add that sneaky little apostrophe because you’re speaking in the possessive…but in this case…DON’T. “Its” is a possessive pronoun. Possessive pronouns such as hers, his and ours do not require an apostrophe to indicate possession. It’s really annoying to see people insist on the apostrophe. “Its” indicates possession on its own. Stop it; it looks dumb.

It’s almost recess time – don’t get antsy yet! To mix it up, the last two examples will be common phrases that people use incorrectly.

4.      IRregardless – I hate to break it to you, but this is not a real word. Just because you hear people say it – doesn’t make it so. I’m sorry. I know you’ve grown accustomed to using it, but you’re going to have to stop now if you would like to appear intelligent. It’s really not that difficult a concept when you think about it [logically]. “Regardless” means without regard, right? I’m pretty sure you don’t need that bonus prefix at the beginning to say what you mean. Think of it as a double negative (because, for all intents and purposes, it is); you know to avoid those, right? I'll save that for another time. Irregardless” is not a real word, regardless of what you may believe.

And last, but certainly not the least abused – and possibly the one that bugs me the MOST (drum roll, please)…

5.      All of the sudden – Okay, wait. What? All of THE sudden? What is THE sudden?[2] Why is it so specific? Is it the only sudden? How did you get all of it? This phrase doesn’t even make any effing sense! It’s an idiom; you can’t just change it to your liking at every whim. If you are one of the offenders in this case, no need to hang your head in shame – you definitely are not the only one. But admitting that you have a problem is the first step. Now you just need to take the appropriate action. Let me break it down for you: “all of a sudden” is an idiom, meant to imply that something happened quickly or suddenly (imagine that). There is no “all of the sudden” because that phrase would imply that there was a sudden…and you would like all of it. For example, let's look at the following sentences - All of a sudden you begin to see the light. All of the sudden you begin to see the light. The first sentence can be interpreted as Suddenly, you begin to see the light. The second sentence can't really be interpreted. Now, see how that all makes sense? 

Well, I hope that I didn’t bore anyone too much and that my little helpful hints have you all on your way to success. I can’t guarantee that you will be successful; I can’t speak to your intelligence. However, I can guarantee that the tips that I’ve listed are valid; how you choose to apply them is up to you. My work here is done.

Class dismissed.

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[1] For a really great grammar reference, I would suggest checking out Grammar Girl’s blog for quick and dirty tips. She breaks things down and makes them funny and easy to understand. Happy Learning!

[2] Side note: That just reminded me of the chorus from “Bills, Bills, Bills” (the Destiny Child song), when Beyonce sings “Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automo bills?” Wait. Pay my automo bill? WTF is an automo?? I’ve never even heard of an automo; is it foreign? Is it an appliance? A new type of credit card? What else would require a bill?*


*For the record, I know what she was getting at. It just makes me laugh every time.