1, 2, 3, 4, I Declare a Debt Ceiling War!

Why is there so much juicy news to discuss when I'm supposed to be on vacation?? The hubs and I happened to be touring CNN today, when news of the latest developments in the ongoing debt-limit discussion came across the ticker. I just couldn't let this topic go.*

“He shoved back and said ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ and walked out,” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) told reporters in the Capitol after the meeting . . . Democratic sources dispute Cantor’s version of Obama’s walk out, but all sides agree that the two had a blow up. The sources described Obama as “impassioned” but said he didn’t exactly storm out of the room . . . On exiting the room, Obama said that “this confirms the totality of what the American people already believe” about Washington, according to a Democratic official familiar with the negotiations, and that officials are “too focused on positioning and political posturing” to make difficult choices.**

Freaking. Brilliant. Isn't that what I've been saying since the overly dramatic budget discussions, earlier this year? I'm so glad that POTUS agrees with me. Congress needs to GET. IT. TOGETHER. Last I checked, they are elected officials, and should be doing everything in their power to represent the best interests of the American people. Listen, I'm confident that nobody wants our national debt to just keep increasing with no end in sight . . . but what makes this time different than the FIVE times the debt ceiling was raised during the most recent Bush Administration (to the tune of almost a whopping $4 trillion)?? I'm just curious, because the four Republicans currently holding Congressional leadership positions, Speaker John Boehner, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Senate Minority Whip Jon Kyl, each voted "yea" at least 4 times each, to approve Bush's requests (only Kyl voted "nay" on the first request; the others voted "yea" all five times).*** Did I mention that those votes of approval did NOT accompany any demands for drastic spending cuts? Hmmm . . . one of these things is not like the other.

So again, what is different now? Could it be . . . that Obama is President (the horror!), and the GOP would rather see America fall into perpetual recession-laden pieces before voting to support anything he proposes? Does it have anything to do with ridiculous political agendas and feuds that are huge roadblocks to any sort of progress, whatsoever? I call bullshit. During the Bush Administration, the GOP seemed to clearly understand that sometimes you have to spend money to make money; they acknowledged that the debt ceiling had to be raised in order for the American economy to stay on track. Unfortunately, something seems to have happened to their good sense since then, because now all they seem to be doing is dicking around and playing political games (i.e., pissing contests). Hey, no big deal, right? So what if a few people don't get their social security checks? As long as the GOP can prove their point, screw America!**** (Wait, what is their point, again?)

It seems to me like everybody on Capitol Hill has lost their damn minds with the 2012 election looming. We (the common folks that nobody seems to give a shit about anymore) all know that nothing productive gets done around election time, because everyone is too busy climbing up on their soapboxes, and mudslinging/name-calling/personally trashing their political opponents foes, but this is just ridiculous. Debt ceiling, shmet shmeiling. Just vote to raise it, already. Real talk -- it's not like we're going to pay it back anytime soon, right? So who gives a crap? Good ol' W promised to pay off the debt in ten years (Did he miss the memo that presidential terms are only 4 years, and presidents can only serve two terms? Last time I checked, 4 x 2 = 8 . . . oh, wait. Multiplication is kind of difficult. Nevermind.), but everybody knew he was full of it. Cantor needs to just suck it up, quit cock blocking, and get on board. Because this shit is ridiculous. You hear me? Ri-dickaluss.

My feelings can best be summed up by the following quote from a democratic aide, "This is just more juvenile behavior from [Cantor] and Boehner needs to rein him in, and let the grown-ups get to work."

Get over yourselves and get 'er done, folks. The American people (remember us?) are counting on you (because we have no choice). DO THE RIGHT THING.
Thanks,
-Management


*Don't you worry your pretty little heads; I haven't forgotten about the Bachmann shrew. Her day is coming soon. I can't let that topic go, either. Because she's a racist . . . and a homophobe . . . and we don't tolerate her kind 'round here.
**Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0711/58937.html#ixzz1S8h5Qu4U
***I'm really not making this up, I promise. Get the deets here. The facts have to be true if they came from a .org website, right?
****I feel like that's going to be the GOP platform in 2012: SCREW AMERICA! They sure are doing a thorough job of that right now. Right-wing, my ass. They sure seem like Wrong-wing, to me.

"Face It, Not Guilty - That's How I Stay Filthy"

For those of you who have been living in a hole for the past few months, I'm talking about Casey Anthony. You remember her, right? The mother who killed her adorable three year old daughter? Yeah, her. Well, as you know, the jury came back yesterday, after deliberating for less than 24 hours . . . and gave her a not guilty verdict. No, really. I know, I know. I'm rolling my eyes, too. "Bella Vida," is right. Would it have been too much for the judge to ask them [very politely] to please turn their asses right back around and take a little bit longer to think it over? I mean, this was a freaking murder trial, not a 5K race. You don't have to be the first to the finish line; you just have to make a rational decision. For shiggles, let's have a look at the charges Mommy Dearest was up against and the jury found:

1. Murder in the first degree - Not guilty
2. Aggravated manslaughter of a child - Not guilty
3. Aggravated child abuse - Not guilty
4. Providing false information to law enforcement - Guilty
5. Providing false information to law enforcement - Guilty
6. Providing false information to law enforcement - Guilty
7. Providing false information to law enforcement - Guilty

*blinkblinkblink*

This case/trial/verdict is Exhibit A as to why the death penalty does not work. Juries feel so overburdened with the fact that someone's life is in their hands, and they get gun-shy. I have to say - I am not really surprised that they did not find her guilty of murder. Again, I think when the death penalty is on the table, all jurors need is just the tiniest sliver of reasonable doubt. And to be fair, Jose Baez did a Charlie Sheenesque rock-star job of providing reasonable doubt. (Read: the defense's shit show confused the jurors enough to distract them from the fact that Casey's story just didn't make any sense.) Additionally, I can't honestly say that I think the prosecution met their burden of proof. They probably should have avoided that murder one charge and shot for the other six lesser charges. I think the circumstantiality of their evidence might have been a bit easier to swallow if the jury didn't have to consider that ol' Casey might have her last dance with Ol' Sparky.*

Yesterday's acquittal was definitely the verdict heard 'round the world, but in my opinion, it raises the question of the effectiveness of our judicial system. This is purely subjective, but should this verdict restore your faith in our justice system, or further demonize a dated system that never seems to work in these crazy, media-frenzy-type trials? If you ask me, it's kind of a double-edged sword. One one hand, I think we should be glad that she was acquitted of murder. Don't get me wrong, I think the chick is guilty as sin . . . but the fact remains that there was, in fact, reasonable doubt. Playing devil's advocate, perhaps we should celebrate that the jury did recognize that fact, because we are talking about murder, after all . . . and she could have been put to death if found guilty. I know that if I was on trial for murder (which I obviously would never commit because I'm a lady with class and broughtupsy - I don't even fight), I would want the prosecution to be held to their burden of proof. It's probably better to let one, relatively harmless (because hey, we're not her kid, nor are we stopping her from prancing off from bar to bar, entering hot body contests and shaking her money maker), batshit crazy, pathological liar back out on the streets than to convict (and possibly kill) an innocent person of a crime they didn't commit. I mean, look at how many tax dollars are being wasted on the West Memphis Three (sorry for the shameless plug, but I couldn't even help myself).

Now that the devil's out of the way - on the other hand, I made the comparison yesterday that this trial and verdict were eerily reminiscent of the OJ Simpson trial in 1995. You remember that one, right? Of course you do. You also remember the anger and betrayal you felt when he was acquitted, right? (Especially when he went all crazy town and wrote that book.) It's that feeling that makes people think the "justice" system in America doesn't work. That feeling you get when someone has already been tried by the general public, and there's the expectation that everybody knows the person is guilty. Or when people like LaLa Lohan spend little to no jail time, and face no repercussions for violating probation.**Yup. That's what's wrong. The burden of proof exists, but only conveniently, when people's pesky consciences get in the way. Hmph. Chalk that up to another great, but also annoying and stupid thing about America. Right there with electoral colleges and the BCS system.***


*I know that Florida retired Ol' Sparky years ago; I'm from Florida, remember? It just sounds a lot more interesting than the lethal injection cocktail they're doling out these days.
**I think I overlooked the LiLo verdict in the whole Casey Anthony melee. The broad avoided jail time [again] AND she's allowed to drink now. Fasten those seatbelts, Los Angelenos - Linds is on the loose!
***Come. On. You KNOW those things are stupid. Yeah, it's great that we have a democracy in America. Or it would be, if the popular vote actually counted for something. I think the 2000 presidential election was excellent evidence supporting the fact that the electoral college system is dated and ridiculous. No? And don't even get me started on the BCS system. Obviously, there should be playoffs. There are playoffs in every other sport. Why not college football? Now, I'm no sports guru, and I typically would be against anything extending a sports season by any means . . . but I love Gator football. (Goooooo Gators!) Oh yeah, and I'm not a moron. Any moron can see the system doesn't make sense. I'm just saying.

Fly Down Memory Lane

I came across this article on http://www.time.com/, and I was just appalled. The long and short of it is that U.S. Airlines collected a whopping $3.4 BILLION in bag fees last year. Right. You heard me. Three. Point. Four. Billion. Dollars. That sounds like a scene from an Austin Powers movie, right? Unfortunately, the airline business appears to have become the nation's own personal Dr. Evil, with Delta leading the pack.

"Delta generated the most revenue from bag fees — $952 million — followed by the combined United and Continental at nearly $655 million. American collected $580 million and US Airways $513 million."

...$952 million? Really?! And perhaps I failed to mention that the total amount collected ($3.4B) marked a twenty-four percent increase in profits from 2009. A 24% increase? I thought we were in a recession! I think you'd be hard pressed to find another industry that can report an increase in profits - much less an increase as significant as 24%. It's just ridiculous. Meanwhile, the airlines are crying broke mouth and complaining about the rise in fuel costs. Hold on, let me put down my violin so I can get the message across. Everyone is struggling with rising fuel costs. It costs me $70+ to fill up my gas tank. We get it. But hiking up the prices on airline tickets wasn't enough? Travelers paying twice the price for fares didn't cushion the blow even just a little bit? I guess not.

This prompted me to really think about what other changes the airlines have made to compensate for the rising costs of the industry. It's time for a flight down memory lane...

Remember when . . .

...your frequent flyer miles actually counted for something? Yeah, you can absolutely still trade in your miles for a flight . . . but no guarantees that the flight will even have "frequent flyer seats" available. Unless you are trying to fly to Minnesota or Maine in the dead of winter (but not during inclement weather, because then you would inevitably be stuck at an airport for a week - if you think the airline is going to foot the bill for a delay due to an act of God . . . think again). Yeah, that's right...just like the time share tours that offer you a free vacation, there are definite scheduling limitations as to what dates you are allowed to travel. Big surprise, those dates are hardly ever convenient to any traveling that you may want to do, nor do they ever fall on a holiday.

...there was a complimentary pillow/blanket set waiting for you at your seat? I mean sure, of course you were scared to use them because they were probably carrying some form of the Gon'die (which implies that if you get it, you gon' die) . . . but at least the choice was yours. You could rest your weary head or choose to pass on the germy cesspools and possible exposure to the Ebola Virus or some random flesh-eating bacteria. Again - your choice. Because they were there waiting for you. Like the little complimentary bottles of shampoo and conditioner at a nice hotel . . . just there if you need 'em.

...airlines fed you during your flight? Yeah, the food was garbage and smelled like rotten baby vomit on a hot summer's day...but at least you got food. Granted, the smell of airplane food almost always made me reach for my complimentary puke pouch (Do they still offer those? Probably for a small fee, eh?), so this is probably the least of my concerns . . . but it's the principle. The hubs and I flew to Hawaii for our honeymoon, which is about a 12 hour trip from the Sunshine State. Don't be alarmed, Continental did feed us; HOWEVER, they fed us a microwaved "chicken sandwich" that made my elementary school cafeteria food look like gourmet, five-star cuisine. No joke, they served it to us still in the bag they microwaved it in. Oh yeah, and I'm pretty sure we got a bag of chips, too. It was super classy. Needless to say, I skipped the worthless calories and sodium and starved myself all the way to Hawaii. So, that was awesome.

...airplanes had a little bit of legroom? Ok, it's not like you could cut cartwheels in between the seats, but people could actually fit their entire person into the seat without having to either (a) hang their legs into the aisle to avoid knee-jacking the person in front of them, or (b) fold themselves into unnatural positions to try to politely keep from accidentally fondling the strangers surrounding them. My favorite aspect of the lack of legroom is during landing when my knees SLAM into the seat in front of me. I'm convinced that my kneecaps will one day shatter on impact and then at least I could skip the line for free in my wheelchair. The seats are so close together now, that I could very clearly spot the older, gay gentleman (I use the term loosely) a few rows up, creeping on young, adolescent boys on his iPad the last time I traveled. True story. He must have felt my shocked and dismayed eyes piercing his perverted soul, because he glanced around casually, spotted me spotting him, and quickly returned his portable perving device to its rightful home in his murse.

...you could actually make your way down the main aisle to your seat without inadvertantly setting your ass on some unsuspecting stranger's shoulder? I'm pretty small, and I can't seem to ever get to my seat anymore with having to apologize profusely to numerous people for booty bumping them in the face. How do bigger people do it? Especially the ones that already have to buy two seats. Speaking of which, has that rule always existed? Or just since the airlines switched out the old, quasi-normal-sized seats out for anorexic midget seats? I wonder about that.

...the overhead bins were large enough to fit all of the carry-on bags of the passengers on the plane? I can't decide if the bins themselves have actually gotten smaller (along with the aisles, the seats, the sodas, and the amount of legroom), or if people have just started cramming as much junk as possible into their carry-ons in an effort to avoid those ridiculously over-priced baggage fees. Good news is, I've discovered that they don't charge you when you have to gate check your bag because there isn't sufficient room in the overhead bins. Don't tell anyone; it'll be our little secret.

I could go on and on. Travel, overall, has become just a huge violation. Your wallet gets violated when you purchase your ticket. The airline comes back for some more wallet sodomy when you check your bag (unless you fly Southworst, of course). Then there's the double (if you're lucky, like me) violation/molestation at the security checkpoint (I'm confident that Wanda, the lovely TSA agent who blessed me with a very thorough pat down and I are now going steady), and the long string of blatant violations that follow. I miss the good ol' days when traveling was an experience, rather than a chore (a chore accompanied by an unsolicited manhandling of the semi-sexual nature). Maybe if the airlines make another several billion dollar profit off of us poor economy class peons this year, we'll begin to see some sort of improvement that would make flying a more enjoyable investment . . . but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.

A Thin Line Between Love and Face Planting

I decided that since I already gave you a list of some of my neuroses, I may as well keep with today's theme of telling you various embarrassing endearing details about myself. We'll call today Humbling Hump Day.

So, you may or may not know this about me, but I'm pretty clumsy. You'd think that a girl who practically lives in 4 inch heels would be limber and light on her toes...but I'm not. I'm actually like a graceful bull in a china shop. I often wake up with random, inexplicable, bruises that I can never quite figure out. It looks a little bit like my good ol' hubs uses my thighs for punching bags. Hmmm, that's a thought. Maybe he does. At night. When I'm unsuspectingly sleeping like an angel beside him. That would explain a lot...but I doubt it. I think I'm just clumsy.

Beyond my clumsiness is my love-hate relationship with stairs. Actually, if I'm honest...it's really more of a combative relationship. I hate stairs...and they hate me. In the almost thirty years that I have been alive, I have fallen down flights of stairs several times. Maybe even more than several. Whatever that would be quantified as. Let's see...I'm gonna say maybe somewhere between 8-10 times. No joke. A few of those times were down the same flight of stairs, so I'm not sure if those count...but I often find myself grabbing frantically for the banister as my life flashes before my eyes. Hell, I've even tripped and fallen while going up a flight of stairs. I'm just talented like that.

The first time I ever fell down a flight of stairs was at Club Park Avenue (us regulars called it CPA) in Tallahassee (RIP). This used to be the spot. In fact, it eventually was shut down by the fire marshall for going way over capacity (and underage drinking, most likely). So, needless to say, this place was always packed. My friends and I knew the bartender so we used to double fist LITs all night long. Did I mention that CPA had two flights of stairs: one in the front, one in the back? Right. Two. I fell down each of those flights of stairs at least 2-3 times apiece. I'm happy to report that I managed to never spill a drink, though. Priorities! When you're 19 and drinking illegally, apparently saving your cocktail from its demise is much more important than preventing yourself from tumbling down a flight of stairs to your death. Go figure.

Another time was when I was on vacation with my good friend [at the time] and we got this cool hotel room that had a loft-type setup with a bedroom upstairs. Why would we do such a thing? Yeah. My ass definitely made contact with those stairs. It wasn't pretty. I had a pretty good momentum going and my feet slipped out from underneath me and I catapulted down the stairs so fast that the wall had to stop me. Picture me, sitting against the wall with a surprised look on my face, feelin' all embarrassed and butt hurt (in more ways than one). She had a great laugh over that one, believe me.

Perhaps the worst time was about six years ago on Thanksgiving Day when I was rushing out of my apartment to head to the 'rents house for some turkey and fixins. That's right - rushing. We all know I had no business doing that in heels. So...yeah. Cue frightening tumble down the stairs. This one was the worst because I actually went head first...and these stairs were concrete (and really steep!). My life definitely flashed before my eyes. But I had the wherewithall to actually grab the poles in the railing and use my momentum to propel myself in the opposite direction (practially ripping my shoulder from the socket in the process), and I turned my body to where I was able to save myself from an untimely demise. Before you laugh, I twisted my ankle! Seriously. Like, legit twisted it. It was swollen and I walked with a pimp limp. My whole family took great pleasure in teasing me mercilessly all day until I finally gave up and went home to pout...in my heels.

I'll leave you with a visual. I'm pretty sure that this girl can totally empathize with my hate-hate relationship with stairs. To quote Aaliyah, "If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again." Happy Humbling Hump Day, folks!

Aaaaargh!

I am having one of those mornings. One of those mornings where I hit snooze three times, couldn't get out of bed even after the fourth alarm, couldn't find anything to wear, couldn't get my hair to cooperate, couldn't think straight, STILL couldn't wake up, couldn't find my keys, couldn't get out the door in a timely fashion, couldn't remember if I locked the front door, couldn't grab breakfast (or, more importantly, Starbucks), couldn't seem to make one single green light before it turned red, couldn't get to work on time (at all this week)...and then got all the way to work before realizing I left my work laptop sitting on the floor in my bedroom.

So, yeah. That happened.

this is why i never wear these pants.

I’m having a punishment pants day again. (Hated it!) Ugh. Day ruiner to the max. Let me explain so you can fully understand and commiserate:

punishment pants [puhn-ish-muh nt pants]

–noun

1.      Pants or trousers that fit perfectly when first put on, but begin to tighten uncomfortably throughout the length of the wear; especially after any meals, snacks, or beverages have been consumed.

–synonyms

Muffin-top Makers

Waistline Wringers

–example

Becks thought she might pass out because her punishment pants were restricting her breathing.

TSA – Short for This Sucks Ass?

I am flying to Las Vegas this weekend for a quick trip, so today’s theme will be travel. As much as I love to travel, the actual physical act of traveling to my destination of choice always leaves something to be desired. There’s the inevitable hike to the airport (Have you noticed that nobody ever really lives close to the airport? Logical, but not quite convenient.); the cluster you-know-what of trying to find the least expensive off-site parking lot with the cleanest looking shuttle buses; standing in line for ticketing/baggage check; and the crown jewel of traveling after 2001, what really makes traveling a good, strong, fist in the ass, is airport security.

Now don’t get me wrong; I applaud TSA for putting up with people constantly bitching and moaning and not being intelligent enough to figure out by now that yes, they have to take their shoes off, and yes, their watches must also come off, and yes, like the multiple signs say, their laptops and all liquid items need to come out of their bags. That must be annoying. I also am happy to comply with a quick screening and x-ray of my bags, if it means that I can rest assured that I will arrive at my destination safely. But is it too much to ask to make it through the security checkpoint with a modicum of dignity?

With the new giant x-ray machine/body scanner things they’ve got at most major airports nowadays, airplane travel has turned into somewhat of a nightmare. But apparently the body scan isn’t enough, because this morning, I definitely was subjected to not only a scan of my hot bod, but a glorious rubdown from TSA’s typical classy female employee…even though I purposely wore leggings so it would be quite apparent that I have nothing to hide. The experience was much like being on a terrible blind date that you can’t get out of with a random someone of the same sex that you picked up off of the side of the road (in the wrong neighborhood) that ends with a half-assed feel up and no happy ending. This obviously made my day.

To break the ice, I casually commented, “I’d have to be pretty talented if I could fit anything else into these leggings, don’t you think?”  (Not to mention, I already had to stand in the pervert portal and raise my hands above my head for the full screen. Remember when that happened? You know, 1.5 minutes ago? If I did have anything hidden; it’s a little disconcerting that it didn’t show up on that scan. That seems a little pointless, no?)

She laughed, “That’s what I was thinking.”

Well, if that’s what you were thinking, maybe you should go with that thought and let me continue on my merry way instead of rubbing me firmly up and down both of my legs, brushing teasingly against my crotch as if we’re experimental college girlfriends. I didn’t have friends like that then, and I don’t now; back off, lady. Let me pick my dignity up off the floor and move on with my life. Thanks, TSA.

Source: http://jasonjeffrey.wordpress.com/2010/11/24/the-distraction-of-the-week-tsa-rage-roundup/