I am flying to Las Vegas this weekend for a quick trip, so today’s theme will be travel. As much as I love to travel, the actual physical act of traveling to my destination of choice always leaves something to be desired. There’s the inevitable hike to the airport (Have you noticed that nobody ever really lives close to the airport? Logical, but not quite convenient.); the cluster you-know-what of trying to find the least expensive off-site parking lot with the cleanest looking shuttle buses; standing in line for ticketing/baggage check; and the crown jewel of traveling after 2001, what really makes traveling a good, strong, fist in the ass, is airport security.
Now don’t get me wrong; I applaud TSA for putting up with people constantly bitching and moaning and not being intelligent enough to figure out by now that yes, they have to take their shoes off, and yes, their watches must also come off, and yes, like the multiple signs say, their laptops and all liquid items need to come out of their bags. That must be annoying. I also am happy to comply with a quick screening and x-ray of my bags, if it means that I can rest assured that I will arrive at my destination safely. But is it too much to ask to make it through the security checkpoint with a modicum of dignity?
With the new giant x-ray machine/body scanner things they’ve got at most major airports nowadays, airplane travel has turned into somewhat of a nightmare. But apparently the body scan isn’t enough, because this morning, I definitely was subjected to not only a scan of my hot bod, but a glorious rubdown from TSA’s typical classy female employee…even though I purposely wore leggings so it would be quite apparent that I have nothing to hide. The experience was much like being on a terrible blind date that you can’t get out of with a random someone of the same sex that you picked up off of the side of the road (in the wrong neighborhood) that ends with a half-assed feel up and no happy ending. This obviously made my day.
To break the ice, I casually commented, “I’d have to be pretty talented if I could fit anything else into these leggings, don’t you think?” (Not to mention, I already had to stand in the pervert portal and raise my hands above my head for the full screen. Remember when that happened? You know, 1.5 minutes ago? If I did have anything hidden; it’s a little disconcerting that it didn’t show up on that scan. That seems a little pointless, no?)
She laughed, “That’s what I was thinking.”
Well, if that’s what you were thinking, maybe you should go with that thought and let me continue on my merry way instead of rubbing me firmly up and down both of my legs, brushing teasingly against my crotch as if we’re experimental college girlfriends. I didn’t have friends like that then, and I don’t now; back off, lady. Let me pick my dignity up off the floor and move on with my life. Thanks, TSA.
No comments:
Post a Comment