1, 2, 3, 4, I Declare a Debt Ceiling War!

Why is there so much juicy news to discuss when I'm supposed to be on vacation?? The hubs and I happened to be touring CNN today, when news of the latest developments in the ongoing debt-limit discussion came across the ticker. I just couldn't let this topic go.*

“He shoved back and said ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ and walked out,” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) told reporters in the Capitol after the meeting . . . Democratic sources dispute Cantor’s version of Obama’s walk out, but all sides agree that the two had a blow up. The sources described Obama as “impassioned” but said he didn’t exactly storm out of the room . . . On exiting the room, Obama said that “this confirms the totality of what the American people already believe” about Washington, according to a Democratic official familiar with the negotiations, and that officials are “too focused on positioning and political posturing” to make difficult choices.**

Freaking. Brilliant. Isn't that what I've been saying since the overly dramatic budget discussions, earlier this year? I'm so glad that POTUS agrees with me. Congress needs to GET. IT. TOGETHER. Last I checked, they are elected officials, and should be doing everything in their power to represent the best interests of the American people. Listen, I'm confident that nobody wants our national debt to just keep increasing with no end in sight . . . but what makes this time different than the FIVE times the debt ceiling was raised during the most recent Bush Administration (to the tune of almost a whopping $4 trillion)?? I'm just curious, because the four Republicans currently holding Congressional leadership positions, Speaker John Boehner, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Senate Minority Whip Jon Kyl, each voted "yea" at least 4 times each, to approve Bush's requests (only Kyl voted "nay" on the first request; the others voted "yea" all five times).*** Did I mention that those votes of approval did NOT accompany any demands for drastic spending cuts? Hmmm . . . one of these things is not like the other.

So again, what is different now? Could it be . . . that Obama is President (the horror!), and the GOP would rather see America fall into perpetual recession-laden pieces before voting to support anything he proposes? Does it have anything to do with ridiculous political agendas and feuds that are huge roadblocks to any sort of progress, whatsoever? I call bullshit. During the Bush Administration, the GOP seemed to clearly understand that sometimes you have to spend money to make money; they acknowledged that the debt ceiling had to be raised in order for the American economy to stay on track. Unfortunately, something seems to have happened to their good sense since then, because now all they seem to be doing is dicking around and playing political games (i.e., pissing contests). Hey, no big deal, right? So what if a few people don't get their social security checks? As long as the GOP can prove their point, screw America!**** (Wait, what is their point, again?)

It seems to me like everybody on Capitol Hill has lost their damn minds with the 2012 election looming. We (the common folks that nobody seems to give a shit about anymore) all know that nothing productive gets done around election time, because everyone is too busy climbing up on their soapboxes, and mudslinging/name-calling/personally trashing their political opponents foes, but this is just ridiculous. Debt ceiling, shmet shmeiling. Just vote to raise it, already. Real talk -- it's not like we're going to pay it back anytime soon, right? So who gives a crap? Good ol' W promised to pay off the debt in ten years (Did he miss the memo that presidential terms are only 4 years, and presidents can only serve two terms? Last time I checked, 4 x 2 = 8 . . . oh, wait. Multiplication is kind of difficult. Nevermind.), but everybody knew he was full of it. Cantor needs to just suck it up, quit cock blocking, and get on board. Because this shit is ridiculous. You hear me? Ri-dickaluss.

My feelings can best be summed up by the following quote from a democratic aide, "This is just more juvenile behavior from [Cantor] and Boehner needs to rein him in, and let the grown-ups get to work."

Get over yourselves and get 'er done, folks. The American people (remember us?) are counting on you (because we have no choice). DO THE RIGHT THING.
Thanks,
-Management


*Don't you worry your pretty little heads; I haven't forgotten about the Bachmann shrew. Her day is coming soon. I can't let that topic go, either. Because she's a racist . . . and a homophobe . . . and we don't tolerate her kind 'round here.
**Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0711/58937.html#ixzz1S8h5Qu4U
***I'm really not making this up, I promise. Get the deets here. The facts have to be true if they came from a .org website, right?
****I feel like that's going to be the GOP platform in 2012: SCREW AMERICA! They sure are doing a thorough job of that right now. Right-wing, my ass. They sure seem like Wrong-wing, to me.

Caylee's Law

Okay, so I promised not to get all wrapped up in politics, or cram my political agenda/views down your throat . . . but this is something I feel really strongly about, and what better means with which to share it but my own humble little blog?

Guilty of murder or not, Casey Anthony waited THIRTY-ONE DAYS before reporting her 2 year-old daughter Caylee missing. I would imagine that any logical adult would agree with me that this offense alone should be considered a crime. The verdict is in, and it is not my place to continue to harp on whether or not I think Casey is guilty of murder; what's done is done. That said, I think that Caylee's Law is the real way to ensure that poor little Caylee Anthony will have some justice.

It's terrible, but things like this happen too often in our country. Children fall victim to people who, as adults, should be protecting their best interests. Because of the media frenzy that has surrounded the Casey Anthony trial, Caylee Anthony has become the posterchild for missing children everywhere. Caylee's Law would make it a felony for for parents not to report missing children. I think this law should be a no-brainer. Why would any parent not want to report a missing child? If a child is missing, a parent should report that fact as soon as possible to the authorities, so action can be taken as soon as possible. The sooner a child is reported missing, the greater their chances are for survival.

I could go on and on for days about how strongly I feel about this law, but at the end of day, the point is . . . sign it. As adults, we are responsible for the younger generations. We need to step up and accept this responsibility, and do everything within our power to make sure that our nation's youth survives and fluorishes. They are our future, we need to look out for them. Period.

So please, I beg of you. Take a minute out of your day to sign the Caylee's Law petition. Do your part. I've done mine, and I already feel like I'm helping to make a difference. I've already received emails from my State Representatives, and have had the chance to express my personal feelings on the issue. Caylee may not have gotten justice for her death, but she's getting justice for children everywhere. I'm helping. You should help, too -- it's a good feeling.

Good Luck and Godspeed

AP Photo/Terry Rinna

The space shuttle Atlantis took off today, marking the final launch for the NASA space shuttle program. Seeing this picture made me super nostalgic and homesick today. Central Florida was really a great place to grow up. I mean, what child doesn't want to live an hour away from Mickey Mouse? But one of the coolest novelties of where I grew up was being able to step outside and watch the shuttles launch. You could literally feel the boom right after the take off. It was awesome. I saw Discovery launch a few times; I clearly remember the fatal launch of the Challenger. We even took field trips to NASA when I was in elementary school. The shuttle program really gave me some great memories to look back on, and I'm a little bummed that my children won't get to see a shuttle take off. But, such is life. So, as a fond farewell, I say to the crew of the Atlantis, "Good luck and Godspeed."

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!

This is just so sad. You know, parents send their children off to school in good faith - good faith that the teachers and administrators are qualified to do their jobs, that they will have the children's best interests at heart, and that they will be good role models for the children when their parents can't be there. School is an important part of the socialization process for children, where they meet their peers and learn both educational and life lessons. Teachers are supposed to be like second parents, to identify children's talents and strength and then nurture and foster them. But this? I really have no words. These so-called "educators" really should face the full consequences of their actions, because not only did they forsake the children's best interests to protect their own, but by cheating and falsifying test results, they denied those children the right to a proper education. They didn't just cheat the system; they cheated those kids out of the opportunity to gain the most knowledge as possible, and address areas in which they might possibly need a bit more help. And for what? All for the sake of a merit raise. It's disgusting. Good thing I don't have any kids yet . . . I'd better start saving my Benjamins, because with this impending move to Atlanta, private school is sounding more and more attractive.

"Face It, Not Guilty - That's How I Stay Filthy"

For those of you who have been living in a hole for the past few months, I'm talking about Casey Anthony. You remember her, right? The mother who killed her adorable three year old daughter? Yeah, her. Well, as you know, the jury came back yesterday, after deliberating for less than 24 hours . . . and gave her a not guilty verdict. No, really. I know, I know. I'm rolling my eyes, too. "Bella Vida," is right. Would it have been too much for the judge to ask them [very politely] to please turn their asses right back around and take a little bit longer to think it over? I mean, this was a freaking murder trial, not a 5K race. You don't have to be the first to the finish line; you just have to make a rational decision. For shiggles, let's have a look at the charges Mommy Dearest was up against and the jury found:

1. Murder in the first degree - Not guilty
2. Aggravated manslaughter of a child - Not guilty
3. Aggravated child abuse - Not guilty
4. Providing false information to law enforcement - Guilty
5. Providing false information to law enforcement - Guilty
6. Providing false information to law enforcement - Guilty
7. Providing false information to law enforcement - Guilty

*blinkblinkblink*

This case/trial/verdict is Exhibit A as to why the death penalty does not work. Juries feel so overburdened with the fact that someone's life is in their hands, and they get gun-shy. I have to say - I am not really surprised that they did not find her guilty of murder. Again, I think when the death penalty is on the table, all jurors need is just the tiniest sliver of reasonable doubt. And to be fair, Jose Baez did a Charlie Sheenesque rock-star job of providing reasonable doubt. (Read: the defense's shit show confused the jurors enough to distract them from the fact that Casey's story just didn't make any sense.) Additionally, I can't honestly say that I think the prosecution met their burden of proof. They probably should have avoided that murder one charge and shot for the other six lesser charges. I think the circumstantiality of their evidence might have been a bit easier to swallow if the jury didn't have to consider that ol' Casey might have her last dance with Ol' Sparky.*

Yesterday's acquittal was definitely the verdict heard 'round the world, but in my opinion, it raises the question of the effectiveness of our judicial system. This is purely subjective, but should this verdict restore your faith in our justice system, or further demonize a dated system that never seems to work in these crazy, media-frenzy-type trials? If you ask me, it's kind of a double-edged sword. One one hand, I think we should be glad that she was acquitted of murder. Don't get me wrong, I think the chick is guilty as sin . . . but the fact remains that there was, in fact, reasonable doubt. Playing devil's advocate, perhaps we should celebrate that the jury did recognize that fact, because we are talking about murder, after all . . . and she could have been put to death if found guilty. I know that if I was on trial for murder (which I obviously would never commit because I'm a lady with class and broughtupsy - I don't even fight), I would want the prosecution to be held to their burden of proof. It's probably better to let one, relatively harmless (because hey, we're not her kid, nor are we stopping her from prancing off from bar to bar, entering hot body contests and shaking her money maker), batshit crazy, pathological liar back out on the streets than to convict (and possibly kill) an innocent person of a crime they didn't commit. I mean, look at how many tax dollars are being wasted on the West Memphis Three (sorry for the shameless plug, but I couldn't even help myself).

Now that the devil's out of the way - on the other hand, I made the comparison yesterday that this trial and verdict were eerily reminiscent of the OJ Simpson trial in 1995. You remember that one, right? Of course you do. You also remember the anger and betrayal you felt when he was acquitted, right? (Especially when he went all crazy town and wrote that book.) It's that feeling that makes people think the "justice" system in America doesn't work. That feeling you get when someone has already been tried by the general public, and there's the expectation that everybody knows the person is guilty. Or when people like LaLa Lohan spend little to no jail time, and face no repercussions for violating probation.**Yup. That's what's wrong. The burden of proof exists, but only conveniently, when people's pesky consciences get in the way. Hmph. Chalk that up to another great, but also annoying and stupid thing about America. Right there with electoral colleges and the BCS system.***


*I know that Florida retired Ol' Sparky years ago; I'm from Florida, remember? It just sounds a lot more interesting than the lethal injection cocktail they're doling out these days.
**I think I overlooked the LiLo verdict in the whole Casey Anthony melee. The broad avoided jail time [again] AND she's allowed to drink now. Fasten those seatbelts, Los Angelenos - Linds is on the loose!
***Come. On. You KNOW those things are stupid. Yeah, it's great that we have a democracy in America. Or it would be, if the popular vote actually counted for something. I think the 2000 presidential election was excellent evidence supporting the fact that the electoral college system is dated and ridiculous. No? And don't even get me started on the BCS system. Obviously, there should be playoffs. There are playoffs in every other sport. Why not college football? Now, I'm no sports guru, and I typically would be against anything extending a sports season by any means . . . but I love Gator football. (Goooooo Gators!) Oh yeah, and I'm not a moron. Any moron can see the system doesn't make sense. I'm just saying.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better.*

It seems that there is finally a declared victor in the age old battle of the sexes. Time Magazine posted an article a couple of days ago, entitled simply, "Why Women Are Better at Everything." Uh, hello! Finally! I'm pretty sure I've been trying to convince my husband of this cold, hard, fact for the entire six years I've known him (much to his chagrin).

"What's the problem with men? 'There's been a lot of academic research suggesting that men think they know what they're doing, even when they really don't know what they're doing,' John Ameriks, the author of the Vanguard study, told the New York Times."

*blink blink blink* No comment. 

Interestingly enough, scientists believe that this advantage that women have over men is due in part to biology. Apparently, men's testosterone levels surge, affecting their willingness for risk-taking and also gives them "an attitude of infallibility." Lucky for us [superior] women, we only have 10% of that testosterone, i.e., we don't have those same primal, barbaric urges that drive us to do dumb stuff. We're just sweet, nice to look at, smell pretty, and gently guide the men in our lives in the right direction when they mess up.** Because hey, that's what we're here for. Sure, Eve allegedly ate the apple from the forbidden tree. But probably only because poor Adam was hungry and couldn't fend for himself. Somebody had to do it. I mean, just look at lion prides.*** The lionesses do all the hunting and the real work . . . and the lions (king of the jungle, my ass) just lay around and sleep all day. So today, ladies, we celebrate ourselves, each other, and just overall girl power! Because anyway you look at it, girls rock. And like it or not, we're always #WINNING.

*Okay, guys. Be warned this is a very girl power oriented post. Read at your own risk of feeling slightly inferior. Please don't take offense! The content was written very tongue-in-cheek and meant simply to elicit laughter. I'm not male bashing. Too much testosterone or not, we still love you. Somebody's got to. ;)

**Oh yeah, and we don't do things like burp or go #2. Because that's not very ladylike, and we're the image of perfection.

***I have a small confession. I have this new found obsession with Animal Planet, so don't be surprised if a lot of random animal references pop up from here on out. I'm kind of an expert. Thanks.

Amended: Casey Anthony and the Silence of the Lamb

*This article was amended on 07.01.2011*

Okay, folks. I'm going to ask that you briefly indulge me - perhaps I'm a little slow on the reuptake, but I'd like to chat about the Casey Anthony trial. This story hits super close to home for me because I was actually living in Orlando in 2008, when Caylee "went missing." For those of you who don't know, let me tell you - the whole city practically shut down. There were search parties, billboards; they dragged the lakes. Everybody was looking for this poor little girl. I'm pretty sure that as all of the bizarre details slowly started to filter in, I decided rather quickly that fun-loving Casey Anthony was guilty as sin. Not because of the trashy pics that surfaced, with her sandwiched between various men, grinning in anticipation of the train she was [no doubt] getting ready to pull. (Nope, she's an adult. If she wants to spend her life immersed in the Orlando nightlife (if you can really call it that), that's her business; I'm not judging.) I think what made up my mind was the dead body smell wafting from her trunk, and all of the other sketchy things, like the reports of the nonexistent Zanny the Nanny (um...Casey lived at home with her parents...how could she possibly afford a nanny), and the shovel Casey allegedly borrowed from the neighbors. Um...suspicious, much? There was just something fishy to me about the thought of a mother of a 3 year old who allegedly misplaced her child . . . and then borrowed a shovel from her neighbor. But what do I know?

Now flash forward to the present and the details are not getting any clearer. But can I just say - I'm SO tired of the damn Anthonys! Those enabling parents need to be ashamed of themselves. It's not my job to sit here and decide whether George Anthony touched Casey in her no-no place . . . but between you and me, I'm not buying it. What victim of sexual abuse by a family member continues to reside in said family member's house, even after reaching the legal age of independence? Nope. Doesn't happen. Those girls grow up with one foot out the door, poised and ready for the first opportunity to escape. I'll tell you another thing they don't do - raise their daughter in that same household, with the same abuser. Again, it just doesn't happen . . .and what about this cockamamie story about drowning in the pool? I don't know about you, but I've seen enough episodes of CSI and Law & Order to know that if someone's cause of death is drowning . . . there should probably be some, I don't know, WATER in their lungs? Last time I checked, that's how people drown. Their lungs fill with water and they die. It's not rocket science . . . if they can determine what you ate for dinner on the day of your death, I'm pretty sure they can figure out if there's some water in your lungs. Maybe the Orange County MedicalExaminer should check out this informative little link. That, or catch up on all of the CSI episodes that have evidently gone unwatched on the dvr. I'm just saying. *Okay, so I guess I didn't take decomp into consideration. I can admit when I'm wrong; but I'm sticking to my guns on this point. I find it super difficult to believe that Caylee Anthony accidentally drowned in the family pool. Again, I grew up in Central Florida. There are thousands of houses with pools in the backyard, and sadly, children die from accidental drownings in those same pools every year. Their parents don't go to jail; they mourn the loss of their innocent loved one. Had Caylee died accidentally by drowning in the pool, their first instinct would have been to call 911, and try to save that poor baby. It definitely wouldn't have been to bury her body in the woods. That's all I'm sayin about that.*

Here's the thing: what really gets my goat is that even after all of that, after all of her mudslinging and accusatory crap . . . they're still on Casey's side. Pathetic Cindy Anthony just can't let go and realize that her precious, shrew of a daughter is actually a pathological narcissist. It enfuriates me that she had the nerve to get on the stand and perjured herself (my opinion) about the internet chloroform research. Pa-lease. STOP LYING. No wonder your child grew up to be a selfish, murdering asshole. Because you're probably always there to pick up the pieces and duct tape (pun intended) them back together for her. Not to mention, it takes one to know one. Cindy Anthony has been lying for years - don't forget, she tried to correct her initial statement about the smell of decomp in the trunk to "stale pizza." Stale pizza? Really?! Uh. Yikes. Unless one of the toppings was human flesh, there is no reason a stale pizza should smell like a decomposing body and DEATH.

Listen, I know I'm not judge, jury or executioner, but let's face facts. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck . . . and she very likely killed her baby duckling. I'm not saying it was intentional - I don't necessarily think it was. What I do think is that Casey is a selfish brat and didn't want to miss a night out at Club Roxy, or whatever debaucherous hot spot happened have free martinis until 11 that night, so it was easier to slap some duct tape on that poor, sweet girl's mouth and toss her in the trunk.

I honestly have no idea how this is all going to end. One thing I am sure of is that the PWT in Central Florida must be in hog heaven. This is the biggest news shitstorm to hit Central Florida since . . . Ted Bundy? No, really. People are lining up at the courthouse to sit in on this murder trial. Lining. Up. Like it's a midnight pre-release showing of the latest Twilight movie, or something. The eager beavers even erupted into a fist fight, for pete's sake. I couldn't make this up if I tried. See below.

Source

Now, that's class. I could go on about this trial forever, but what's the point *then we'd have to get into some unnecessary "eye for an eye" debate over the death penalty, and nobody's interested in that can of worms.* Besides, if you're following the case, Jose Baez is probably all the long-winded commentary you need. I'll check back with any noteworthy updates, and in the meantime, let's keep our fingers crossed for justice. In the words of Hannibal Lecter (another pathological narcissist), "All good things to those who wait."

It's High Time . . .

. . .that the Federal government legalize marijuana, don't you think? Don't worry, agreeing with that statement doesn't make you a raging pot head, or a drugged-out hippie. What it makes you is practical. No, really. I was flipping through the channels late last night, and happened upon a documentary on the History Channel, called "Marijuana: A Chronic History." Wow. Talk about mind blowing. The statistics alone are enough to make any logical person think twice about the legalization of marijuana. Don't believe me? See below, naysayers. You just might learn something (all facts taken from the aforementioned documentary).

Did you know . . .

• As of 2010, the United States boasted a population of 308,745,538? Out of that number, over 100 million (100,000,000) people have reported that they have smoked marijuana at least once before; 20 million (20,000,000) of those people smoke it regularly.
• Despite the fact that marijuana was considered legal tender in the days of America's Founding Fathers, marijuana has resulted in the most arrests in the "War on Drugs."
• At any given time, there are over 60,000 people jailed because of marijuana.
• There are currently 60-80 people serving life sentences marijuana-only offenses.
• One person is arrested every 37 seconds for marijuana-related crimes.

Okay, so here are some more interesting little morsels of marijuana factoids to go along with what you've already read. There is a proven racial disparity between African-American/Hispanic offenders and Caucasian offenders; Blacks and Mexicans are arrested and convicted at three times the rate of Whites on marijuana charges. New York City is one of the nation's leaders in this discrimination. For every one Caucasian arrested on marijuana charges, there are NINE Blacks/Hispanics arrested in NYC. That's pretty significant, no?

But all of that aside, the real fact that every taxpayer should know is that our Federal government spends about $13.7 BILLION on marijuana possession crimes. I kid you not. Almost fourteen billion dollars to enforce laws that prohibit a drug that is proven to be far less harmful than tobacco. Really?! So here's my question: when will the government wake up and smell the cannabis and realize that it would greatly behoove our wonderful country if everybody just would relax and go ahead and legalize marijuana? I mean, this is really ridiculous. Let's face facts, people are never going to stop smoking pot. It is impossible to completely eradicate it; therefore, it is impossible to truly prohibit it. So why not make a profit off of it? The government is doing itself (and us taxpayers) a huge disservice by refusing to stop the prohibition and demonization of marijuana. If they would just go ahead and legalize it (and, in turn, tax the mess out of it), do you know how much they could make in tax revenue?? Well, tobacco and alcohol sales generate over $17 billion in tax revenue, alone. So if that is any indication, assuming marijuana would be taxed at a rate similar to that of tobacco (40-50% excise and sales tax), a $40 billion marijuana market (the tobacco market is about $75 billion) would yield about $17-20 billion in tax revenue (See diagram below).

Source

Now, wouldn't that $20 billion be helpful, considering our current national budget calls for deficit spending . . . not to mention the tiny little detail of our national debt, which at last count was $14,447,351,480,691. No, wait. It's $14,447,351,500,336 now - because it's going nowhere but up . . . by the second. Have you ever seen so many commas in a dollar figure? Do you even know how to say that number out loud?? It's depressing. Apparently, America is just a nation with overall bad credit. So wouldn't you think that $20 billion in marijuana tax revenue could maybe do a little bit of good? Maybe? Especially when you take into consideration that legalization would also take away the need for that pesky $13.7 billion being spent to wage war on a relatively harmless substance. Oh yeah, and it would help with overcrowding in jails/prisons, AND offer the enterprising, marijuana-selling citizens of America an opportunity to do business on the up-and-up, without need for concern about imprisonment. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Listen, I'm not trying to force my humble opinion on you. If you agree with the demonization of marijuana* and cannot at all see the positives associated with its legalization, that's your business. All I ask is that you really weigh out the pros and cons. Remember, just because it's legal, it doesn't mean you have to smoke it; it just means you can. Wouldn't it be refreshing to have the option? Isn't that the premise that our country was founded upon? Democracy and the freedom of choice? I'm just saying. I don't smoke pot, either . . . but I'm fairly reasonable and can see that there are some major benefits to its legalization. For your convenience, I've given you a head start by including the first 15 minutes of that crazy informative documentary. Do me a favor and check it out! Do some research. Read the facts. If you find yourself nodding your head and suddenly agreeing vehemently with the points I made above, don't be surprised. It really is the practical choice. So when that happens - write your public officials! Send letters written on hemp and scented delicately with the essence of cannabis (grown hydroponically, please - nothing but the best and kindest) to your state Congressman. Maybe the extra subtle hints will do the trick. It takes a village, people! And if this village all rallied together, perhaps then we could solve the problems of the world with a simple toke off the proverbial peace pipe.  Peace and love. :)




*Wow. I really used the word "marijuana" a lot on this blog. I hope it doesn't raise any weird governmental red flags that are now going to be tied to my name for the rest of my life. Because that would suck. Especially since I don't even smoke the stuff. Haha if you took a drink every time I said "marijuana" in this post, you'd be pret-ty intoxicated. I'd tell you to try it, but alcohol has long-term negative effects that are exponentially worse than those of marijuana. I don't want you to endanger yourself on my account.

Born This Way

One small step for (wo)man . . . one giant step for mankind.

Source

Huzzah! The New York Assembly voted 80-63 to pass a bill legalizing gay marriage yesterday! The bill is now in the hands of the Senate, where 31 senators have gone on record as supporters; 32 approval votes are needed for passage. Fingers crossed they'll realize that the issue isn't about gay marriage; it's just about marriage. In a country that touts a system of equal rights, we have a history of making said rights a matter of subjectivity and convenience - not for the masses, but really more for the elite group of law-making individuals that has the ability to affect our lives with the simple push of a button. The legislative session is due to end next week, so this should come to some sort of rapid resolution. Let's hope New York climbs aboard the gay marriage train. Get with the program, New York! After all, marriage equality is the new black.

Fly Down Memory Lane

I came across this article on http://www.time.com/, and I was just appalled. The long and short of it is that U.S. Airlines collected a whopping $3.4 BILLION in bag fees last year. Right. You heard me. Three. Point. Four. Billion. Dollars. That sounds like a scene from an Austin Powers movie, right? Unfortunately, the airline business appears to have become the nation's own personal Dr. Evil, with Delta leading the pack.

"Delta generated the most revenue from bag fees — $952 million — followed by the combined United and Continental at nearly $655 million. American collected $580 million and US Airways $513 million."

...$952 million? Really?! And perhaps I failed to mention that the total amount collected ($3.4B) marked a twenty-four percent increase in profits from 2009. A 24% increase? I thought we were in a recession! I think you'd be hard pressed to find another industry that can report an increase in profits - much less an increase as significant as 24%. It's just ridiculous. Meanwhile, the airlines are crying broke mouth and complaining about the rise in fuel costs. Hold on, let me put down my violin so I can get the message across. Everyone is struggling with rising fuel costs. It costs me $70+ to fill up my gas tank. We get it. But hiking up the prices on airline tickets wasn't enough? Travelers paying twice the price for fares didn't cushion the blow even just a little bit? I guess not.

This prompted me to really think about what other changes the airlines have made to compensate for the rising costs of the industry. It's time for a flight down memory lane...

Remember when . . .

...your frequent flyer miles actually counted for something? Yeah, you can absolutely still trade in your miles for a flight . . . but no guarantees that the flight will even have "frequent flyer seats" available. Unless you are trying to fly to Minnesota or Maine in the dead of winter (but not during inclement weather, because then you would inevitably be stuck at an airport for a week - if you think the airline is going to foot the bill for a delay due to an act of God . . . think again). Yeah, that's right...just like the time share tours that offer you a free vacation, there are definite scheduling limitations as to what dates you are allowed to travel. Big surprise, those dates are hardly ever convenient to any traveling that you may want to do, nor do they ever fall on a holiday.

...there was a complimentary pillow/blanket set waiting for you at your seat? I mean sure, of course you were scared to use them because they were probably carrying some form of the Gon'die (which implies that if you get it, you gon' die) . . . but at least the choice was yours. You could rest your weary head or choose to pass on the germy cesspools and possible exposure to the Ebola Virus or some random flesh-eating bacteria. Again - your choice. Because they were there waiting for you. Like the little complimentary bottles of shampoo and conditioner at a nice hotel . . . just there if you need 'em.

...airlines fed you during your flight? Yeah, the food was garbage and smelled like rotten baby vomit on a hot summer's day...but at least you got food. Granted, the smell of airplane food almost always made me reach for my complimentary puke pouch (Do they still offer those? Probably for a small fee, eh?), so this is probably the least of my concerns . . . but it's the principle. The hubs and I flew to Hawaii for our honeymoon, which is about a 12 hour trip from the Sunshine State. Don't be alarmed, Continental did feed us; HOWEVER, they fed us a microwaved "chicken sandwich" that made my elementary school cafeteria food look like gourmet, five-star cuisine. No joke, they served it to us still in the bag they microwaved it in. Oh yeah, and I'm pretty sure we got a bag of chips, too. It was super classy. Needless to say, I skipped the worthless calories and sodium and starved myself all the way to Hawaii. So, that was awesome.

...airplanes had a little bit of legroom? Ok, it's not like you could cut cartwheels in between the seats, but people could actually fit their entire person into the seat without having to either (a) hang their legs into the aisle to avoid knee-jacking the person in front of them, or (b) fold themselves into unnatural positions to try to politely keep from accidentally fondling the strangers surrounding them. My favorite aspect of the lack of legroom is during landing when my knees SLAM into the seat in front of me. I'm convinced that my kneecaps will one day shatter on impact and then at least I could skip the line for free in my wheelchair. The seats are so close together now, that I could very clearly spot the older, gay gentleman (I use the term loosely) a few rows up, creeping on young, adolescent boys on his iPad the last time I traveled. True story. He must have felt my shocked and dismayed eyes piercing his perverted soul, because he glanced around casually, spotted me spotting him, and quickly returned his portable perving device to its rightful home in his murse.

...you could actually make your way down the main aisle to your seat without inadvertantly setting your ass on some unsuspecting stranger's shoulder? I'm pretty small, and I can't seem to ever get to my seat anymore with having to apologize profusely to numerous people for booty bumping them in the face. How do bigger people do it? Especially the ones that already have to buy two seats. Speaking of which, has that rule always existed? Or just since the airlines switched out the old, quasi-normal-sized seats out for anorexic midget seats? I wonder about that.

...the overhead bins were large enough to fit all of the carry-on bags of the passengers on the plane? I can't decide if the bins themselves have actually gotten smaller (along with the aisles, the seats, the sodas, and the amount of legroom), or if people have just started cramming as much junk as possible into their carry-ons in an effort to avoid those ridiculously over-priced baggage fees. Good news is, I've discovered that they don't charge you when you have to gate check your bag because there isn't sufficient room in the overhead bins. Don't tell anyone; it'll be our little secret.

I could go on and on. Travel, overall, has become just a huge violation. Your wallet gets violated when you purchase your ticket. The airline comes back for some more wallet sodomy when you check your bag (unless you fly Southworst, of course). Then there's the double (if you're lucky, like me) violation/molestation at the security checkpoint (I'm confident that Wanda, the lovely TSA agent who blessed me with a very thorough pat down and I are now going steady), and the long string of blatant violations that follow. I miss the good ol' days when traveling was an experience, rather than a chore (a chore accompanied by an unsolicited manhandling of the semi-sexual nature). Maybe if the airlines make another several billion dollar profit off of us poor economy class peons this year, we'll begin to see some sort of improvement that would make flying a more enjoyable investment . . . but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.

STILL. MORE. WEINER.

Just when you think the story can't get any worse . . . you find out there's a little weiner involved. . .*

Source

. . . and he KNEW. 

Shit just got real. Real(ly) complicated, that is. Should we take bets on whether or not she should stay? I feel really bad for this poor woman. Lord knows, she has probably had her fill of Weiner (I just can't help myself; it's too easy). Between all of the obnoxious headlines (touché - I totally grouped my titles in with that blanket "obnoxious;" I'll be the first to admit it), all of the random naughty pictures and the raunchy Facebook chats . . . she has to have had about as much Weiner as she can take. (How many times can I possibly use the word "weiner" in a sentence, with some sort of clever double entendre? The possibilities are seriously endless here. It's like a new game for me.) This has to be an incredibly difficult time. It's easy to say that she should leave that coozehound . . . but when there's a child involved . . . that's probably a lot easier said than done.

On top of everything else, and to add even more insult to [his] injury, Weiner now faces further probing (hehe) from the Ethics Committee:

'"Weiner will have to reveal to the ethics committee the names of the others with whom he's exchanged sex-text images," said a former House prober.'**

. . . I'm gonna go ahead and put it all out there. That "former House prober" (which, ironically, sounds awfully kinky to me) has got to have some sort of affiliation to the Republican/Tea[bag] Party. Either that, or (s)he's British. "Sex-text images"? Hahaha! It's so proper! That's like how my mom calls an ATM an "ATM Machine" or a cell phone a "cellular phone." Let's get to the real nitty gritty of the situation.

Listen, Weiner. You're gonna have to cop to who you've been fuc sexting . . . and if you have, indeed, been "misusing [your] official resources" . . .

So, there you have it. The latest and greatest of Weinergate. Whew. I'm worn out! It's way past my bedtime and that was a lot of "weiners." I'm going to bed.***

*Come on. You already knew this would be filled with tongue in cheek weiner references. If you were over it, you should have probably just skipped this post. I've gone rogue with the weiners. See how quickly that just happened? You were just minding your own business, when WHAM! I hit you in the face with another weiner. Yup.  Lucky for you, this is that kind of post.

**Quote taken from www.newyorkpost.com. Remember? It's only my new favorite place to find the good stuff! Apparently they can't get enough weiner, either.

***I know, I know. I'm sorry. Weiner's been getting all of my attention lately. I'm going to try really hard to blog about something else tomorrow...but I can't make any promises. This Weiner stuff is way too juicy. Yikes. My double entendres might have just officially gotten out of control. That one scared me a little. Too much, right? Maybe that really is my cue to just leave well enough alone. I'm sure people will eventually grow tired of obsessing over Weiner's weiner and this too, will pass. I think it's safe to say that I wore Weiner out over the past three days. Yeah...it's probably time to move on. All the weiners are getting to be too much. ...okay. I really am done now.

Spotted! Weiner's Weiner*

Forgive me for neglecting you, but it's been a busy three days. I won't bore you with the minutia, I'll just jump right in.

Let's talk about Weinergate, shall we?

Representative Anthony Weiner (D-NY) retracted his initial claim that his Twitter account had been hacked and admitted this afternoon that he sent a lewd picture to a young woman as claimed. Interestingly, I'm not surprised. Additionally, he admitted that this was not the first time (and sadly, probably not the last) that he has done so, AND he admitted to explicit conversations with six women over the past three years (overshare?). "A" for sticktuitiveness, though...amidst all of the name-calling and overall general disdain, Weiner says he is embarrassed, but does not plan to retire. Read the article in its entirety here (because Fox News is so reliable, but whatever).

I guess Weiner just couldn't keep his weiner to himself. My favorite part of this article is where [BigGovernment.com publisher] Andrew Breitbart confirmed that the photos appeared to be Weiner, stating, "He's in very good shape." PAUSE. Was that envy I detected, or does somebody want himself some Weiner?? Things that make you go "hmmm..."

I hate to laugh at someone else's misfortune (who am I kidding?), but this is hilarious. I guess his advisors told him to take the "all or nothing" approach, eh? Next he'll be confessing to a college "phase" he went through where he dabbled in erotic asphyxiation and beastiality. Sheesh. What is going on with the politicians in New York?! First the Spitzer prostitution ring scandal, and now this? Those guys are obviously thinkin' with the wrong heads in the Big Apple. Additionally, am I the only person that finds irony in both of these offenders' names? Weiner? Spitzer? ...and why does it always have to be the young girls? Do you think that people would be more willing to overlook and forgive indiscretions if perhaps the women involved were of drinking age (okay, slight overexaggeration)? I think it would help a little bit...but just a little. The icing on the cake for me was during the press conference, with one reporter shouting repeatedly, "She was young enough to be your daughter!!" Hahaha consider yourself judged, ya weiner.

I think it's safe to say that Weiner is now wishing he'd kept his weiner to himself. Luckily for him, his wife of one year (sad, but true), is an aide in Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's office. Maybe Weiner will get lucky and she'll seek relationship advice from Hillary. We all know where she tends to stand on matters of adultery, right?

I'll leave you with a Weiner quote I found on Wikipedia. You know how people play that game where you read your fortune aloud and add "in bed" after it? Let's play that game with this quote, and swap out all of the "it"s with the phrase "my weiner"...

 "I push people pretty hard [with my weiner]... I have nothing but love for people who endured it my weiner, even if they endured it my weiner for a short period of time."

Enough said.


*Let me apologize [in advance] for my excessive use of weiners the word weiner. It just couldn't be helped.

Talkin' 'Bout My Gender-ation

Hellooooo! Oh, how I've missed you. Although I had a wonderful time on our vacation, it's nice to get back to the land of the living. There's only so much drunken debauchery a girl can handle! I'll share some of the pics from our jaunt over to the Big Easy another time, but for now, let's just jump right in.

Surely by now you've caught wind of the Canadian hippies* who have spontaneouly spiraled into their own fifteen minutes of fame because of their choice to "raise their child without regard to gender." No, really. They are only releasing its gender to a handful of people and they are sticking to their guns. Now, I'm not a parent, so I probably shouldn't judge, but . . . I'm judging. In fact, I'm doing so much judging, I'm almost speechless. Forget all of the psychological and sociological theories that say that gender identification is a very important part of child development. Those quacks obviously don't know what they're talking about! Right? I'm rolling my eyes. Profusely.

Do they really think they're doing their child any favors? Ok, so perhaps it isn't such a big deal now. The kid is four months old. I'm sure (s)he could give a shit at this point. However, they are seriously just setting poor Storm up for failure. All the weird developmental issues (and most likely, eventually even sexual issues) aside, this poor kid is going to go off to school and won't know what bathroom to use (or how to use it, for that matter), or what peer group to seek out. It's hard enough being a kid nowadays in our shallow society, having to worry about popularity and wearing the right brand of clothing . . . do you really want to add to those existing burdens by giving your child a gender complex? Not to mention the name choice. Storm? Listen, I hate to break the news, but your child is not a member of the X-Men with the ability to control the weather. I'm not sure if that was the inspiration, or it was the most popular stripper at their local titty bar. Either way, this poor child is destined for a life of merciless teasing. Trust me. I got teased just for being mixed. If I got teased because I didn't "talk black enough," this kid is definitely going to get teased for not knowing if (s)he's a boy or a girl. Talk about unnecessary confusion.

The best part is the mother's response to the immediate wave their story caused:
"The strong, lightning-fast, vitriolic response was a shock," said Kathy Witterick in a letter. "The idea that the whole world must know our baby's sex strikes me as unhealthy and voyeuristic."

Really?! Unhealthy? Voyeuristic? Um, I beg to differ. What's unhealthy is self-serving parents who force their radical (liberal or otherwise) philosophies on their defenseless children who have no say in their upbringing. What's unhealthy is swearing your 2 and 5 year-old children to keep the family secret. Voyeuristic? Maybe she should have looked that big word up before she used it. I know I'm not getting my rocks off, worrying about this poor baby's gender issues. Naturally, people's curiosity have been piqued - you were in The Toronto Star!  Everybody knows that millions of people subscribe to that publication. Haha! This publicity and interest is obviously just what the midwife ordered for these hippies - if they wanted their story to be private . . . they probably shouldn't have told their story to the world. Additionally, she's giving her family a lot of credit here. "Must" was a strong choice of words. I don't have to know the gender of your baby; I want to. Furthermore, I wouldn't even give a shit if you hadn't paraded said baby around greater North America with its cherubic little cheeks and sweet, little, blond curls. Screw you, lady. With your self-importance and hippie superiority.
That said - again, I'm not a parent. I guess it really isn't my place to judge. So instead of pointing fingers and namecalling (which I've already gotten out of the way), I will instead follow Southpark's lead and just simply "Blame Canada."



*I don't mean to use the term "hippie" derogatorily. In fact, I mean it in the truest sense possible. Come on; they're obviously hippies! She gave birth to Storm in a bathtub. On purpose! I'm sorry, but no amount of Clorox would help to erase the memory of afterbirth floating in the garden tub. No, thank you. Sign me up for the epidural drip in a nice and cozy maternity ward, please.

Statistics

Welcome back! Hopefully none of you raptured on Saturday...because from what I hear...it didn't happen. I don't know about you, but I hate to be the first to the party! Don't fret, I'm sure Harold Camping will have a newly revised date for us soon. I betcha he's regretting that decision to put his pets down right about now. But that's enough about that. Let's move on to something a tad bit more...consequential?

So I was reading this article last week about how Psychology Today published a piece last week by Satoshi Kanazawa, entitled "Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?" and honestly, I was just appalled. You would think that in this day and age, any publication with any type of clout would have the sense enough to weed out the riffraff and only publish articles of true substance. This story brought about several questions and points for me. 

What demographics do you think his focus group consisted of? How many women were rated in the study? What did these women look like? Was there a control group? How can a person qualify something as subjective as a personal opinion regarding attractiveness? And most importantly, what was Psychology Today thinking?? I think my favorite part of this whole study is that black women on average are "heavier than other women" AND that black people on the whole are "less intelligent." 

Really? Less intelligent? I beg to differ. At the very least, I am intelligent enough to know when smoke is being blown up my ass (and not because it feels good). Furthermore, I am intelligent enough to realize a half-baked moron who just needed a platform from which to spout his cockamamie racist bullshit ideas. Hmmm...but I am half Korean. Perhaps my Asian half is the top half. You know, the half with the brain? Yeah, that must be it.

This brings me to a point that I have always screamed from the rooftops, but no one ever seems to listen. Statistics are stupid. They can be manipulated to yield pretty much any end result you're looking for. Especially when you're a racist "psychologist" who is more interested in stirring the proverbial race pot than reporting true findings. You can't just introduce study results as inflammatory as these without giving hard facts to back them up. It's a little fishy to me that he never really gave any real information about his interviewees or the people they judged. I don't know about you, but I'd like to see what they look like. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all...and if the beholder isn't so beautiful...their standard for beauty may be skewed. 

Luckily, Psychology Today woke up and realized how bad this article was really making them look (and received a ton of irate hate mail in response to this idiots ignorant musings), and they have since removed it from their website. Too little, too late, as far as I'm concerned. I don't know if this was a terrible attempt at playing devil's advocate, but all they did was succeed in pissing me (and hopefully everyone else who wasted their time reading this malarky) off. The funny thing is, not five minutes after I finished reading about Shitty Kanazawa's article, did I come across this article, singing the praises of the beauty of women of mixed race. (I can't say I disagree. *toot toot* That was my horn being tooted.) Apparently this survey was given to a very different focus group that Kanazawa's. 

In lieu of leaving you with my typical biting wit, I will instead leave you with a piece I wrote several years back that I feel relates perfectly to this topic. I don't often share my poetry, but this seemed as good a time as any. See you next time!

Statistics

The colored girl is not known and hence not believed in;

She belongs to a race that is best designated by the word “problem,”

And she lives beneath the shadow of that problem,

Which envelopes and obscures her.

For years, I have possessed the spirit of men –

Bold and enterprising,

Fearless and undaunted.

Statistics (your statistics)

Show a people (my people)

Bound by their own ignorance.

Ignorance?

Do not sit up on your flowery bed of ease and attempt to bury me

Under something as simple as your statistics.

Do not waste your time attempting to suppress me

Because my intelligence is boundless and my knowledge is infinite.

For an eternity, you will find yourself trapped

By your own jealousy and hatred.

Shall it be said any longer that the daughters of Africa,

They have no ambition,

They have no force?

Any individual black woman who is forced to

Remain motionless on the outside

Will develop on the inside, a changed consciousness as a sphere of freedom.

The Rapture

Happy Friday! Well, maybe not so happy. "Why is that," you ask? Well, besides the fact that I'm nursing a well-earned-weeklong-birthday-celebration hangover this morning, today is May 20th. Do you know what that means? That means tomorrow is May 21st . . . aka the Rapture . . . aka Doomsday (if you subscribe to that Harold Camping mumbo jumbo, that is). So does that make today Doomsday Eve?

I have mixed feelings about this. Well, not really mixed feelings. I'm really just less than enraptured with the Rapture. Let's discuss.

• Who is this Camping guy, anyway? What makes him a prophet? What else has he prophesized? I'm not convinced I want to leave the prophecy of the end of the world as we know it in the hands of someone I've never heard of before. Wait. What's that? He's a Christian radio host? Oh, ok. That explains it. Not so much the prophet part, but definitely why I didn't know who the hell he was. I'm a little confused, though. When I Google his name, I keep seeing the word "false" in front of prophet. Hmmmm...must be a typo.
• Has anyone else picked up on the fact that May 21, 2011 is actually Camping's revised prophecy for Doomsday? Since a prophecy doesn't sound much like something that requires revision, this prompted me to do a little research (since again, I know absolutely nothing about this guy). I know he says that he knows "without any shadow of a doubt" that it will happen . . . but I'm not convinced. Apparently, he's been wrong before. Several times. I feel like I need a little bit more confirmation before I go bananas with my AmEx. (Don't judge; a girl needs to look pretty for an apocalypse, right? That sounds like some kickass survival instincts to me. They never let the pretty girls die in the movies.)
• According to Camping, massive earthquakes and other natural disasters will begin on May 21, 2011. Being that I have never lived in a state that actually experiences earthquakes, I have what may be considered an irrational fear of them. There's something about the concept of the earth shaking beneath my feet that I can't quite wrap my mind around. Furthermore, these natural disasters are predicted (by the ever-reliable Camping) to last until October??? I don't understand. Am I expected to stand in a doorjamb until October? That's just silly. What if I have to potty? This is giving me anxiety.
• Ok, so how exactly is this whole Rapture situation going to work? Apparently, approximately 200 million "righteous" will "Rapture into heaven" (I didn't realize it was also a verb), and the sinners will be left behind? Although I like my chances a tad bit better with these numbers than with the 144,000 that the Jehovah's Witnesses believe will make it to heaven . . . I'm still a little worried. How do I know if I'm righteous or a sinner? Is there some sort of Rapture manual with a checklist to help identify whether I'd be one of the ones left behind? If so, I imagine it to be something like a Cosmo quiz - "If you answered 'yes' to more than 4 of the questions . . . sorry for your luck. Enjoy the earthquakes." I don't know what to do. I have to have some sort of guidance to help me quickly determine if I need to go buy enough Doomsday supplies to last me until October, or if I just need to buy something pretty for my rendezvous with St. Peter. (Side note: I've always wondered about the wardrobe situation in Heaven. Will I have an endless closet, filled with all of the latest fashions I can't live without, with everything fitting me perfectly and looking amazing...for all of eternity? Or will I be stuck wearing whatever I died in or was buried in? Wearing the same outfit for...well...ever, sounds more like hell to me. I'm just saying.)

Well, at this point, I feel like I should stop typing. If tomorrow truly is the beginning of the end, I probably shouldn't waste any more time blogging. You certainly shouldn't waste any more time reading. What will you do on this Doomsday Eve? How will you ring in the Rapture? Will you spend it clutching your rosaries (although I'm fairly certain if you're not on the guest list by now, a few extra prayers today probably won't do you any good), or will you party like it's 1999? I think I'll just go shopping. Nothing like some retail therapy to make you forget the end of the world (I guess this means a trip to the mall. It seems a little nonsensical to pay for shipping if I'm never going to receive my goodies). Besides, I've done enough partying this week, remember? I think my liver is secretly glad that the Rapture is tomorrow. I don't think it knows that the end isn't scheduled to start until about 6 p.m. That leaves plenty of time for cocktails.

Good luck, kiddos. Grab your hard hats and keep an eye out for zombies. I'll catch you on the flip side.

R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I...

Vezi mai multe video din muzica

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

Uh oh, kids. It looks like we're going to have another Tiger Woods on our hands.

Hey, hey - easy! No need to throw your clubs, T! You'll always be near and dear to our hearts as the lovable philanderer whose adorable little blonde, Swedish wife beat him into such a panic, he crashed his car...in his own front yard. (Remember that? That was awesome.) However...I've gotta say, I think The Governator might be trying to steal a little bit of your shine. 

Unless you live under a rock, I'm sure you've heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have [finally] decided to call it quits. I can't exactly say I'm surprised. Actually, I was probably more surprised when they announced that they were going to get married. Right?! It's no secret; the man married up. She's a Kennedy, for Pete's Sake (There goes that damn Pete, again)! But have you heard the latest and greatest??  Apparently, the housekeeper wasn't enough to satisfy this Austrian adulterer. Yup, you heard right. Another woman came forward this afternoon with guns (i.e. Gloria Allred) blazin'!

 At least this chick didn't live in the house with the family...she's just a washed up actress (read: star effer) who allegedly did the grownup with Arnold for the first time in 1975 when she was a young and impressionable SIXTEEN YEAR OLD (not so grownup, after all). Then, there was apparently some sort of loooooong hiatus (called the eighties - they were probably both extra busy doing hookers and blow or whatever people did for fun in the 80's), after which, they picked up where they left off...just three years after he wed Shriver.

I'm a little concerned that this really is going to end up like the whole Tiger debacle, where one unattractive woman after another comes forward with stories of debauchery and deviance (with a side of douchebaggery). Although, Arnold did trump Tiger with the love child. Love child? Have you seen this chick? Um...yikes. Definitely not the type of woman to conceive a love child with. See below...

Yeah...probably not Arnold's shining moment. What is it with these celebrities and their attraction to back-door broads? You know, the kind you have to push out the back door in the morning? Oh, wait. Did I say morning? Let me amend that - back-door chicks are really the ones that guys refuse to stay the night with and sneak out the back door right after relations. Because let's face it, if she looks like THAT with her makeup on, what must she look like in the mornings?? Would you want to wake up to her? Right. I didn't think so. I happen to think she bears a striking resemblance to Elsa Patton, the infamous creepy-looking mother from The Real Housewives of Miami.

No??? Come on! You can't tell me there is no resemblance there. Ugh. I just don't understand what the trend is with all of these celebrity couples recently where the not-as-good-looking husband cheats on the beatiful wife with a much less attractive homewrecker. Look at Sandra Bullock and Jesse James! What better example?? WTF? I must have missed something here. I just don't see it. All I know is, Arnold really messed up on this one. His career is obviously going to be over and now he's old (and still not very good looking). The chances of him reliving his Terminator days are slim to none. Now he's just going to have to retreat with his tail between his legs, without even so much as an "I'll be back," because sadly (actually, not so sadly), he probably won't.

Hasta la vista, baby.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Tiger, Tiger Woods, y'all! Image found here
Mistress #2 glamour shot discovered here
Baby Mama Drama featured here
Creepy Elsa Patton voici

Husbands Say the Darndest Things

Over the weekend, the hubs and I were watching the wall-to-wall coverage of all of the Osama bin Laden videos that have surfaced since his death. Well, not really watching, per se...I was actually reading the good ol' Kindle (much like news radio, I'm not really one for CNN), but I digress. So we're "watching" the coverage and all of A sudden, the hubs just started cracking up. I couldn't imagine what OBL (Or as an old friend called him, OSB...which obviously spurned a slew of giggles between myself and the illustrious Marcy Magoo...O. Sama Binladen? Um, ok. Good thing he's cute, 'cause he ain't that bright.) could possibly have to say that would illicit such a response.

Me: (Concerned that my hubby sprouted terrorist wings overnight) Um...whatcha laughing at, honey?

Hubs: Bahahaha - have you - hahaha - seen this - hahahaha - video - hahaha - of Osama bin Laden??

Hubs: Bahahaha - because it reminds me of this video (Yes, he really did pull up the video for my viewing pleasure. He's pretty cool like that)...

Osama Bin Laden- Family Guy
Tags: Osama Bin Laden- Family Guy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He was so right. I knew I married him for a reason. Good times.


OSB (haha) video clip found here
Hilarious Family Guy clip (which, incidentally, happens to be one my all-time faves) found here

Dear Osama bin Hidin’… Run Tell Dat, Homeboy.

Wow. Pretty eventful weekend, eh? First, the Royal Wedding (snicker)…then, Saif Al-Arab Gaddafi was killed in a NATO air strike (I’m assuming they meant to hit Muammar, but apparently, his son and grandchildren were good enough)…and finally (in more ways than one), President Obama announced last night that after almost ten years, Osama bin Hidin’ was killed in a covert ops mission in Pakistan.*

As per usual, President Obama swaggered up to the mic (I'm convinced that Geto Boys' "Damn It Feels Good to Be A Gangsta" is his mental theme song in life) and eloquently delivered staggering news to the American people, and emphasized (like a G) that he was the one responsible for making the call. I like how he even brought up good ol’ W – to low-key remind people that even though his predecessor wasn’t able to take care of business…he’s got this. He stepped in, grabbed the reins, and handled that shit. In two years, Obama did what Bush couldn’t seem to do in eight. (Although I’m sure the Republicans will say that it was like an opening an extra tight lid on a jar of jelly – Bush just loosened it for him, right? Riiiight.)

…and then the celebration ensued. This almost feels like a bittersweet ending to a long, drawn out story. Almost ten years of build up and then it all ends in a gunfight? It’s a little anti-climactic for my tastes. I think I would have preferred some sort of fanfare and pomp and circumstance, where the Navy S.E.A.L.S. marched his terrorist ass through the streets of D.C. (or better yet, NYC) and let the American people toss stones and chunks of concrete and metal gathered from ground zero at his dejected, defeated body. Is that too much to ask? I know that shots were exchanged and the S.E.A.L.S. returned fire and he was inadvertently killed…but…I’m just saying…it would have made for a much more interesting ending. Instead, they tossed his ass into the sea? I’m just waiting for the wave of conspiracy theories to commence. (If you want to talk conspiracies, you should maybe read up on the first President Bush, the C.I.A. and their connection to bin Laden. Just a suggestion for some light reading that just might blow your mind.) Obama should probably keep some pictures of OBL’s body readily available in the drawer where he keeps his birth certificate. Oh well. I’m confident that if Tupac’s autopsy pictures were leaked so quickly years ago…with the developments in social media today, we won’t have to wait too long to see someone’s Facebook profile picture has been updated with a grainy mobile upload of a guy leaning over bin Laden’s body with a Koolaid smile and a thumbs up.  

Then there’s this little, tiny, part of me that wonders if all of America celebrating the death of this monster is the right thing to do. I mean, I know that he was a terrible person who was responsible for the death of thousands…but I still feel a little uneasy celebrating his death. It feels as though an entire nation rejoicing over the death of one individual makes us seem a little foolhardy. Yes, the death of Bin Laden symbolizes the end of an era of terrorism…but does it? I’m a little loath to be dancing in the streets over this just yet. Remember all of that footage after 9/11, allegedly showing the people of Afghanistan partying in the streets and how enraging that was? What if that’s how the Middle East interprets our joy over the death of OBL? Make no mistake about it; terrorists are serious in their plight against our culture and our country. Where one bin Laden dies, there is a new bin Laden in training to take over. OBL’s death closes one long chapter in an epic novel of global relations…but the story doesn’t end here. There are many chapters to come and many wars to be fought.

That said, in this moment, I don’t want to overshadow this obvious victory. I have to acknowledge that this is one step in the right direction and an immeasurable victory for America. It halfway validates the American lives that have been lost fighting a war that seems to have gone forever. I’d like to offer my appreciation to the troops and intelligence personnel who made this possible. Good job, guys. Way to get ‘er done.

To any remaining terrorists or dissidents that think they can eff with America, the death of Osama bin Laden sends a clear message: think again. In the words of Antoine Dodson,“You are really dumb – for real . . . We’re lookin’ for you. We gon’ find you; we gon’ find you. So you can run and tell that, run and tell that, homeboy.”

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*On a lighter note, how much ass do you think Pres O got last night off this victory? We’re talkin’ championship ring ass; green jacket-wearing, Masters winning ass, war on terror goal crossed off the to-do list ass.