Amended: Casey Anthony and the Silence of the Lamb

*This article was amended on 07.01.2011*

Okay, folks. I'm going to ask that you briefly indulge me - perhaps I'm a little slow on the reuptake, but I'd like to chat about the Casey Anthony trial. This story hits super close to home for me because I was actually living in Orlando in 2008, when Caylee "went missing." For those of you who don't know, let me tell you - the whole city practically shut down. There were search parties, billboards; they dragged the lakes. Everybody was looking for this poor little girl. I'm pretty sure that as all of the bizarre details slowly started to filter in, I decided rather quickly that fun-loving Casey Anthony was guilty as sin. Not because of the trashy pics that surfaced, with her sandwiched between various men, grinning in anticipation of the train she was [no doubt] getting ready to pull. (Nope, she's an adult. If she wants to spend her life immersed in the Orlando nightlife (if you can really call it that), that's her business; I'm not judging.) I think what made up my mind was the dead body smell wafting from her trunk, and all of the other sketchy things, like the reports of the nonexistent Zanny the Nanny (um...Casey lived at home with her parents...how could she possibly afford a nanny), and the shovel Casey allegedly borrowed from the neighbors. Um...suspicious, much? There was just something fishy to me about the thought of a mother of a 3 year old who allegedly misplaced her child . . . and then borrowed a shovel from her neighbor. But what do I know?

Now flash forward to the present and the details are not getting any clearer. But can I just say - I'm SO tired of the damn Anthonys! Those enabling parents need to be ashamed of themselves. It's not my job to sit here and decide whether George Anthony touched Casey in her no-no place . . . but between you and me, I'm not buying it. What victim of sexual abuse by a family member continues to reside in said family member's house, even after reaching the legal age of independence? Nope. Doesn't happen. Those girls grow up with one foot out the door, poised and ready for the first opportunity to escape. I'll tell you another thing they don't do - raise their daughter in that same household, with the same abuser. Again, it just doesn't happen . . .and what about this cockamamie story about drowning in the pool? I don't know about you, but I've seen enough episodes of CSI and Law & Order to know that if someone's cause of death is drowning . . . there should probably be some, I don't know, WATER in their lungs? Last time I checked, that's how people drown. Their lungs fill with water and they die. It's not rocket science . . . if they can determine what you ate for dinner on the day of your death, I'm pretty sure they can figure out if there's some water in your lungs. Maybe the Orange County MedicalExaminer should check out this informative little link. That, or catch up on all of the CSI episodes that have evidently gone unwatched on the dvr. I'm just saying. *Okay, so I guess I didn't take decomp into consideration. I can admit when I'm wrong; but I'm sticking to my guns on this point. I find it super difficult to believe that Caylee Anthony accidentally drowned in the family pool. Again, I grew up in Central Florida. There are thousands of houses with pools in the backyard, and sadly, children die from accidental drownings in those same pools every year. Their parents don't go to jail; they mourn the loss of their innocent loved one. Had Caylee died accidentally by drowning in the pool, their first instinct would have been to call 911, and try to save that poor baby. It definitely wouldn't have been to bury her body in the woods. That's all I'm sayin about that.*

Here's the thing: what really gets my goat is that even after all of that, after all of her mudslinging and accusatory crap . . . they're still on Casey's side. Pathetic Cindy Anthony just can't let go and realize that her precious, shrew of a daughter is actually a pathological narcissist. It enfuriates me that she had the nerve to get on the stand and perjured herself (my opinion) about the internet chloroform research. Pa-lease. STOP LYING. No wonder your child grew up to be a selfish, murdering asshole. Because you're probably always there to pick up the pieces and duct tape (pun intended) them back together for her. Not to mention, it takes one to know one. Cindy Anthony has been lying for years - don't forget, she tried to correct her initial statement about the smell of decomp in the trunk to "stale pizza." Stale pizza? Really?! Uh. Yikes. Unless one of the toppings was human flesh, there is no reason a stale pizza should smell like a decomposing body and DEATH.

Listen, I know I'm not judge, jury or executioner, but let's face facts. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck . . . and she very likely killed her baby duckling. I'm not saying it was intentional - I don't necessarily think it was. What I do think is that Casey is a selfish brat and didn't want to miss a night out at Club Roxy, or whatever debaucherous hot spot happened have free martinis until 11 that night, so it was easier to slap some duct tape on that poor, sweet girl's mouth and toss her in the trunk.

I honestly have no idea how this is all going to end. One thing I am sure of is that the PWT in Central Florida must be in hog heaven. This is the biggest news shitstorm to hit Central Florida since . . . Ted Bundy? No, really. People are lining up at the courthouse to sit in on this murder trial. Lining. Up. Like it's a midnight pre-release showing of the latest Twilight movie, or something. The eager beavers even erupted into a fist fight, for pete's sake. I couldn't make this up if I tried. See below.

Source

Now, that's class. I could go on about this trial forever, but what's the point *then we'd have to get into some unnecessary "eye for an eye" debate over the death penalty, and nobody's interested in that can of worms.* Besides, if you're following the case, Jose Baez is probably all the long-winded commentary you need. I'll check back with any noteworthy updates, and in the meantime, let's keep our fingers crossed for justice. In the words of Hannibal Lecter (another pathological narcissist), "All good things to those who wait."