Crying for Columbine

Um...has everyone else already heard about the latest and greatest "possible act of domestic terrorism" to come out of Columbine? Hurry up and read about it here so we can discuss! I'll give you some time to catch up on the reading...

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Here's some crib notes [taken from the abovementioned article] for my non-reader readers (which, for the record, if you really don't like to read, I honestly don't even know why you read my blog):

"Firefighters discovered the bomb and two propane tanks Wednesday near the food court after a small fire broke out. No one was hurt. Wednesday was the 12th anniversary of the notorious slayings in which two students killed 13 people before turning their guns on themselves. Unexploded pipe bombs strapped to propane tanks were also found at the school in the aftermath of the shooting. 'The fact that has happened on April 20, 12 years later, near the school with similar devices is very disturbing,' said Jefferson County Sheriff spokeswoman..."

...after a "small fire broke out"? Holy Bejeezus! How lucky that the "small" fire didn't turn into a massive, explosive, nightmare. Just how close was the fire to the propane tanks? Aren't pipe bombs super volatile? This story seriously gives me angina.

Okay. I'm curious: WTF is going on over there in Colorado? I thought everyone there was like, granola-eating, Kashi-loving, birkenstock-wearing, mountain-climbing, prius-driving, health-nut yuppies! No? All jokes aside, when you look at the demographics for Columbine, it appears to pretty much be the perfect neighborhood. It's like Pleasantville, or something. (A little too perfect, if you ask me. It's kinda creepy. Which, in this context, I suppose makes perfect sense. Ugh. Digressing again. See how quickly that happens? Stupid ADD.) The average income is over $77K, for Pete's sake!* Over 75% of their population works a white collar job, over half the population is married, and the average household net worth is over $700K. At first glance...Columbine might be heaven. Or at least just a little, golden, yuppie-filled piece of it. Why does shit like this keep happening to such a [seemingly] solid community?

...and did you see the picture of the person of interest???

Photo courtesy of the FBI

What the shit, gramps?! I thought grandpas were supposed to wear cardigans and smoke pipes and play golf and drink scotch and tell you stories about when they were young and had to walk uphill to and from school in blizzards and stuff like that! I'm pretty sure casually dropping off pipe bombs and blowing up shopping malls are not on the list of common characteristics of grandfathers. What could have possibly possessed this evil old'un to do something like this? Are the two incidents related? Was this some sort of revenge mission because gramps is still mourning the loss of someone from the massacre twelve years ago? If so, why wait twelve years? Is there some sort of significance there? Did he buy his bombing supplies at Target? That looks an awful lot like a Target bag. You'd think people who would do something like this would shop at Wal-Mart. Right? I mean, let's face it. we've all seen http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/. Nobody shops at Wally World except for weirdos, poor people and creepy transvestites and/or crossdressers [some of them with mullets] who do all of their shopping late at night in really short cutoff shorts or some WT equivalent of. And speaking of his shopping bag, doesn't it look a little small for pipe bombs and propane tanks and such? I'm not quite sure what other supplies are needed for bombing, but it seems like it would require more than a regular-sized shopping bag would hold. Right?

Well, I guess that's all I have to say about that. I sure hope they find this tool box soon. Because he's old. And doesn't deserve to draw social security after pulling such a stunt. And needs to be interrogated so shit like this doesn't keep happening. Besides, I would really appreciate an answer to at least a few of my questions. Hey, inquiring minds want to know...until they DO catch the sonofabitch, I'm not Bowling for Columbine...I'm crying for them.


*Does anybody know who in the hell Pete is, anyway? Why are people always talking about his sake? I pored over my memory files (where thoughts go to die, remember?), and I can't honestly think of anyone imortant in our country's history named Pete, or ever Peter, for that matter. Except for Pete Sampras. Oh yeah, and Peter Gabriel (C'mon, who doesn't like Genesis?!). So I would like to know how Pete made it to the phrase and why everyone is concerned with his sake. Accepting explanations now. Thanks.