I’m fairly certain that I just dozed off at my desk. Nothing too conspicuous, thank goodness, but I’m pretty sure I was asleep. I awoke with a bit of a start when I realized I was staring at my computer screen with a glassed-over, blank stare and my mouth slightly open. Damn. It’s going to be a long day.
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| Contrary to popular belief, this is not a picture of me in the morning. This is the sleep gnome.* Oddly, he appears to be a cross between a Jawa...and DEATH. I'm convinced he keeps his shitty sleep sand in his face hole and hurls it haphazardly at his every whim and fancy. I hate him. |
It's mornings like these when I wish that I could Photoshop® my face. That's right. Photoshop® my face. I wouldn’t abuse it; I would only use it on mornings like this one, when I'm so tired that my eyes feel gritty (How the hell does that pesky sleep gnome keep getting into the effing house? Looks like the hubs and I are due for another chat about leaving the door open so any riffraff with a pocket face hole full of sand can just stroll in at their leisure.), and my mood feels surly and I'm lugging giant, heavy, Samsonites® under both of my eyes. Is that asking too much?
Back to the Photoshopping®. Seriously, that would possibly be the coolest thing ever. Sometimes (on mornings like this one), I wake up and look in the mirror (and scare myself, to be quite honest) and wonder if I'll be forced to resort to sorcery or human sacrifice in order to appeal to the gods of conceit to please make me appear *almost* presentable. Makeup is an okay everyday solution to blemishes and a few too many cocktails from the night before…but the amount of makeup that I would need to shellac on my face in order to cover up a yesterday that lasted 22 hours and then finally ended with a measly 2 hours of sleep (remember, I'm not getting any younger and a growing girl needs her beauty sleep) would make my face itch. No joke. Listen, I have sensitive skin. Don’t judge me.
To recap, I would much prefer wizardry with the magic wand, eraser and blending tools that Photoshop® has to offer, over breaking out the grimoire and chanting incantations all morning (those things are so hard to remember sometimes). Trust me, I need it. There isn’t enough MAC® in the world to cover up what I’ve got going on today. So to the technology gurus (who I’m sure are most definitely NOT reading this blog)…MAKE IT HAPPEN. Posthaste.
Okay. Enough play time for me. This girl has got some serious slaving to do in order to finish this godforsaken paper before the DEADline (No wonder they call it a deadline. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed that before today. I wonder what the origin of that word really is?), and I am on a downward spiral of delirium, giggling maniacally at my desk. (The Downward Spiral was a pretty good cd. If you like headbanging. I don’t, but I like Trent Reznor okay. We share a birthday. He can’t be all that bad. For those of you NKOTB fans, I also share a birthday with Jordan Knight. Yup. You’re jealous. I know.) Oh, here I go, off on several delirious tangents…I can always tell when I’m sleep deprived, because I end up with a TON of parenthetical phrases. I guess I have a lot of afterthoughts when I’m sleepy.
Aargh! Later, peeps. This blog is turning into The Neverending Story. So I’m gonna ride my giant flying dog thing on out of here and I’ll catch you on the other side of this stupid, day-ruining, obnoxiously tedious paper. Pray for me. Or do some incantations, if that’s your thing. Whatever. I can never remember the words and I have the most difficult time finding eye of newt. Shit. I’m doing it again. Maybe it would be better if I just stop typ
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*Sleep gnome image courtesy of http://www.geeky-gadgets.com/star-wars-garden-jawas-13-11-2009/
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