Cream of Sum Yun Gai

I’m baaaaaack! Have you missed me? I have been dying of the bubonic effing plague sick the past few days, and I couldn’t bring myself to half-ass blog. It wouldn’t even be worth it. But I think I’m on the road to recovery, so I’ll go ahead and give the people what they want today. In an effort to make my blog a bit more substantial (and slightly less narcissistic, which will be addressed in a later post), I have decided to try to incorporate a daily commentary. My commentary will be about current events, newsworthy stuff, different tv shows or movies I may watch…the list is endless. As you know, I have a lot of opinions…so…yeah.

 Today’s post is a commentary about a blog/article that my good friend shared with me because she didn’t want to be the only one disgusted by it (Thanks, Shy). So, here’s my own personal way of paying it forward. Check the article out here. You will need to read the article in its entirety before reading on in my post…major SPOILER ALERT. Consider yourself warned...I'll give you time to catch up on the required reading before continuing...

..............................<insert cheesy wait muzak here>...................................

...CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!? Are you as traumatized by it as I was??? No, really. Holy. Shit. I mean, I have heard of some seriously sick shit in my day…and Lord knows, I have seen my share of crazy on shows like Hoarders and Animal Hoarders…but this takes that crazy to a whole ‘nother level. This is my personal favorite line: “Noodles oozed out of the unzipped fly; a glory hole that Jack had ostensibly been taking advantage of all spring long. “ Wow. That descriptive sentence really put it all into perspective, you know?

 After reading this article, like the author, I’m left with so many questions. How does one get from Point A to Point B? What made Jack take advantage of his take out? Why didn’t Doug notice that he never saw any empty Chinese food containers? Was Jack always a hoarder? Was he even a hoarder, or did he just really like Chinese food? How much do you have to love Chinese food to want to make love to your Chinese food? I kind of get the whole hot apple pie thing…at least it’s hot…and gushy…but lo mein? What’s sexual about lo mein? And at what point did he decide to take his love affair to the next level? I mean, creating a boyfriend out of Chinese food? That’s borderline genius! Who would think to stuff random articles of clothing with foodstuffs to emulate a human companion? How did he pick what clothes his boyfriend would wear? Why make a boyfriend, and not a lo mein girlfriend? Was Jack gay, or what? Did he just not have any women’s clothing handy? Did Jack lift the bed every time he needed some lovin? How did Doug know that Jack had been taking advantage of said glory hole all summer? Did he leave...deposits? What if Jack was just lonely and socially inept, so he needed a friend? Would that make it better? Besides all that, what must it have smelled like in there? How did Doug not have any inkling of the debauchery going on in his spare room? Did he just ignore the smell of decaying deviance in his place for the sake of that sublet money? I’m not convinced any amount of money is worth having the memory of the lo mein man burned into your brain for the rest of your life. Am I right?

"...if it's gonna be that kind of party, I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

*drops mic, walks away*