Home Alone

I haven't always lived with someone. I actually lived alone for several years...so you would think that it would be no big thing when my hubs is out of town...but it kinda is. Not sure why, but our place feels a little less safe when he's gone. How cliché, right? Is this some sort of innate rite of passage for married women? The dutiful little wife scared spitless when her husband isn't there to protect her? I'm rolling my eyes. Anyway, the other night, I realized I have these weird rituals that I don't do when he's in town, but I always do when he's out of town. See below (please).

1. My very first stop when I come home to an empty nest is the kitchen. Obviously. To grab some sort of weapon to ward off any possible attackers, of course. Then, I check all of the rooms in the house (with said weapon in hand) . . . and the closets . . . and the laundry room . . . and the bathtubs . . . basically anywhere my future attacker could be laying in wait. Oh yeah, and I close all the doors behind me. I like to think that I would be hear the doors open if security was compromised. See #4.

2. Check and re-check (then triple check before bed) all the locked doors. I am already a little neurotic when it comes to locking doors (especially my car door), but when I’m alone for the night, it borders on obsessive. I have to make sure I’m locked into a room (after first investigating all of the possible hiding places), or I get nervous. I also typically like to have my back to a wall. People in the movies always seem to miss the fact that if they would just sit in a corner or up against a wall…nobody could sneak up on them. Interesting concept, right? I even have to double-check the bathroom door lock while I’m in the shower. I have no desire to go out like Marion Crane. Not this girl.  

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3. Sleep with my car keys within hand's reach. I guess I figure if I need to make a mad dash for my life, I'm probably gonna need my keys. Better to have them readily available than to waste precious minutes searching for my damn keys.* Let's be real: this isn't the movies. I'm small, but I wouldn't exactly describe myself as athletic.** I mean, I'll run...I just wouldn't want to base my escape plan around my chances of out-running any potential attackers for an extended period of time.

4. Sleep without my ear plugs. Although the sounds of Houston are soothing (if you don't mind construction noises and sirens and motorcycle engines revving), I much prefer the sound of my own breathing when I'm sleeping. The sounds of the city are way too distracting and Lord knows I don't need a reason to not be able to sleep. But when the hubs is away, I feel the need to be able to sleep with both ears open, just in case I need to hear someone lurking in the dark or sneaking up on me.

5. Blast Pandora in the morning whilst getting ready. Complete with the singing along, etc. I don't usually do that because the hubs is still asleep. Also, he likes to listen to boring news radio in the morning when he’s getting ready for work. I prefer Lil' Wayne Radio. I’d much rather drop it like it’s hot in the morning than awake to the abrasive sound of Rush Limbaugh, any day. Wouldn’t you?

Thus concludes my list of crazy, neurotic rituals I feel obligated to complete every time my hubby goes out of town. Last night when I was in bed, trying to make myself go to sleep, I thought of at least three different topics I wanted to blog about. More to come soon. Promise.

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*Read: I can *never* find my keys when I need them; it never fails. It would be just my luck that a murderer would be chasing after me with a meat cleaver and here I am, unable to find my keys. No, thank you.

** It's a little embarrassing. Remind me to tell you a story about that sometime.