Yelp Nazi? Geh weg! Ihre Art ist unerwünscht sind.

Buenos dias! Feliz Cinco de Mayo, folks! Hopefully everybody has some fun plans tonight to drink too much tequila and/or Dos Equis. ("We're going streaking!") If you're planning on doing tequila shots, I highly recommend Don Julio. Goes down like a dream (TWSS). I would also recommend getting a designated driver or a cab. DUIs don't look good on anyone.

Moving right along, let me get crack-a-lackin' on today's post. I joined Yelp several months back just for shiggles. Funny thing is, I think I've written a total of three whopping reviews. What's even more interesting is in those three reviews, I already had a little run-in with someone on Yelp that really soured the experience for me. Do I manage to piss people off randomly with everything I do? That's gotta be some kind of talent. So anyway, correct me if I'm wrong, but Yelp is a lot like this blog - an opportunity for people to honestly express their opinion about things...right? Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

Well, I happened to post a review about a less than stellar experience I had at a local eatery in the Heights, talking candidly about the terrible service and shitty attitude of the cashier. I personally thought it was kind of funny (not to mention helpful and informative), but whatever. (You can read the review in its entirety here, if you so wish.) To my surprise, the next day, I had a message in my inbox from Emily Z, who in my opinion must either be the owner of this place, the abovementioned cashier with the shitty attitude and perma-stink-eye, or some random cheesehound groupie chick who considers herself to be a foodie and is probably sleeping with the owner for free skillets of sub par mac and cheese. See below for the maddening morsel:

...wait, what? Did she seriously just tell me to re-think my review? Trust me, I thought about it plenty in the 3 months it took me to finally join Yelp just so I could write a bad review about this pointless restaurant. But thanks for your concern. I didn't realize that there was a Yelp content Nazi who sat around, reading all of the reviews of the day, and inboxing contributers with suggestions on improving their posts opinions. It's almost like she's threatening me! "Really, I would re-think your review." Ok, let me get this straight. YOU would rethink MY review? It sounds as though you already have. Maybe YOU should rethink YOUR review. How about that? Or better yet, here's a thought: instead of spending so much time and energy making sure I know that YOU don't approve of MY review, how about you just move on with your life? Write your own reviews! I don't recall asking for anyone to review my review. It's my opinion. If you don't like it; piss off. I know I'm not taking your message "serious" because you don't know when to use pronouns appropriately. Furthermore, you must have taken my review pretty seriously if you felt the need to send me a personal message, telling me to rethink my opinion.

Hey, Emily Z - get back to your über important job of slingin' plates of macaroni and cheese and mind your business. You're probably hovering over the lunch counter right now, pointing your gnarled, warty finger at any customer who (heaven forbid) wants to substitute ingredients in their order of jus' crap; yelling and going on about how THERE ARE NO SUBSTITUTIONS and how they should seriously rethink their order or "no soup mac for you!" Meanwhile, I'll be over here - NOT rethinking my review. But thanks for your input.

The Soup Nazi
Tags: The Soup Nazi