Potty Peeves

There is a long list of things I hate about public restrooms. Randomly, I realized today that I was mentally compiling a list of said things. What a great opportunity to share! See below.

1. I hate it when I wait too long and I run into a stall, hurriedly remove my pants, breathe a sigh of relief as I begin to empty my bladder...then glance over and realize that the stall is out of toilet paper. 
2. I hate it when I get to the bathroom and there's pee all over the seat. Where were you raised; a barn? Clean up after yourself if you can't seem to get it into the giant hole waiting there specifically to catch your excrement.
3. I hate it when a public restroom door makes you 'push' to enter and 'pull' to exit. Why don't they make all of them push to exit? Doesn't it bother anyone else that they just washed their hands and now have to contaminate them with other people's fecal matter? Ugh.
4. I hate it when I wait too long and it becomes an emergency situation, so I run to the bathroom, only to be subjected to an assault on my olfactory senses because some unthoughtful hag is having kittens in the handi-stall...but because it's an emergency situation, I run the risk of wetting myself if I turn around and come back later...so I have to just commit and make it happen. I've come to realize that I have a pretty great lung capacity. I can hold my breath longer than you would think. I would like to post a sign for all of the inconsiderate poop machines on my floor to next time, please use a restroom on a different floor. I shouldn't be able to determine what you ate for lunch by the severity of the fumes coming out of your butt. Thanks.
5. I hate it when #4 happens (Well, that could be misleading - it's always a #1 for me in public restrooms. Real ladies take care of business in the privacy of their own home. I'm just referring to Potty Peeve #4...and what could a #4 possibly consist of?? Yikes.), and I'm forced to subject myself to the abovementioned noxious fumes in the bathroom...and then the poopy perpetrator finishes, flushes, and leaves super quickly to avoid any awkward sink conversation after declaring war on the bathroom...and then someone else comes in while I'm still in the stall. I feel obligated to shout through the door that it wasn't me - but would they believe me, anyway?