fridaze funk

i woke up this morning in a funk. i can't seem to get it together - which could be attributed to any number of things, honestly. but i have no energy and can't seem to focus on much of anything. what better time for a blog? i definitely do not have my wits about me enough to put together an intelligent post, so i'll start the day with a few random pet peeves. i'm boycotting capitalization today, too. deal with it.

i hate it when i am at the elevator and i have already pushed the button...and then some dummy saunters up behind me and pushes the button again, EVEN THOUGH the button is obviously already illuminated. not just once, but repeatedly. as if pressing that damn button is going to somehow magically cause the elevator to skip all of the other floors that have already pushed their button and come barreling straight down to us because some asshole won't stop pushing the call button. yeah. 'cause that happens all the time.

i hate it when i do my good deed for the day and let someone into line in front of me in traffic and they don't wave. listen, i didn't have to let you in. i did because i'm not a jerk. so don't swing on in here like you were entitled to my place in line. you weren't. quit being a dick and wave. have some couth.

i hate it when people don't know how to give constructive criticism. telling me you don't like something and then not being able to articulate why is super annoying. oh, ok. so you don't have any suggestions for improvement; you just don't like it? duly noted. you could have kept that to yourself.

i hate it when i have a typo, but my typo changes the intended word into another existing word, so spell check doesn't catch it. hug pet peeve (exhibit a).

i hate it when i find the perfect item of clothing on unbelievable discount online and they no longer have my size. it's just not fair.

i hate it when people change their Facebook profile pics to those cheesy self-portraits of them holding up the phone in the bathroom, or in front of the refrigerator, because they just had to share how fabulous their ass looks in a tight little skirt, or how amazing their new fake boobs look in their bikini, or how they're racking up 12-pack abs. if the goods are that fabulous and you are that vain, perhaps you should invest in a tripod for your camera so you can take all of the self-portraits you want without looking like a total loser. everyone is guilty of taking a self-portrait or two, but it's so much more gratuitous when it's to solicit parts of your body that you should perhaps keep to yourself. or at least, would keep to yourself if you had any class. additionally, how many self-portraits is it truly acceptable to have without looking like a jackass? everyone should love themselves. it's rude to expect everyone else to love you that much.

i hate close-talkers. you know the ones. the people who stand uncomfortably close when you're trying to have a normal conversation and then you can't even concentrate and you lose your train of thought because all you can think about is how said close-talker totally just popped your personal bubble and everytime you try to take a subtle step back, they take a not-so-subtle step forward. we really only need to be semi-close if i'm telling you a juicy secret, or catching you up on the latest chisme. otherwise, you should keep a respectful distance. you don't need to sit on my lap to hear me talk. i'm very good at projecting. if you can't hear me - i'll speak up.

i hate paper clips. especially the useless ones that are coated in colored paint that leaves marks on your paper when you remove them. there's just no need for paper clips when there's such a thing as gem clips and binder clips. let's start a movement to render them obsolete. they can join the ranks of typewriters and dial-up internet connections.

i hate it when people shoulder check me out in public and don't excuse themselves. oh, ok. so not only could you not be bothered to shift your body half a step so as to avoid bumping into me, but you also can't be bothered to excuse yourself? you suck. at life.

that said, wanna know what i do like? fridays! so...happy friday to you! hopefully i'll snap out of this fog and have something more substantial to contribute later.