Hello? Is it Me You're Looking For?

Welcome back! I'm sure you've missed me so. This morning's topic is elevator etiquette.

I am subjected to various elevator rides with random people every day at my job. One would think that in corporate America, people would be intelligent enough to understand that there are certain unspoken rules regarding appropriate etiquette when riding a public elevator.
One would think.
Unfortunately, let me be the first to tell you, that is NOT the case.

Perhaps the underlying issue is that, indeed, no one has actually ever written these rules of etiquette. Most of it is common sense/courtesy, but you never know who in this world has brought-upsy and who does not. I would venture to say that the majority of people unfortunately, do not. So, let's call this the Three basic Commandments of Elevator Etiquette:

1. THOU SHALT NOT CUT PEOPLE IN LINE - One would think that this is a pretty obvious rule. If you don't cut people in any other line, why start now? Why is it acceptable to cut people who have been waiting for the elevator long before you arrived? What makes your destination any more important? I HATE it when I am the first to arrive to an elevator bank, I press the button, and then a throng of sheep come to also catch the elevator to escape their own personal Corporate hell. So, because said crowd has arrived, I shift slightly to the side to accommodate them (people in TX are big, what can I say?). When the elevator doors open, said crowd pushes its way into the elevator, brushing me to the side, as though I wasn't the one who originally called the elevator to begin with. Furthermore, because I have respect for people's personal bubbles, I will not force myself and my big ass purse onto the over-crowded elevator, because I don't want to crash to my death; so I have to take the next elevator...and the cycle repeats. Which brings me to #2:
2. THOU SHALT NOT STAND NUT TO BUTT - HUGE pet peeve. I'm sorry, but cramming 8-10 people into an average-sized elevator is just unacceptable. Everyone should have respect for people's personal space (just as a general rule in life), and I feel as though that primal right is violated everytime some asshole feels the need to shove into whatever tiny little space they can find on an already over-filled elevator. Stranger Danger! Back off! If I can feel your breath on any part of my body, you are TOO CLOSE. Take the next elevator. Nobody wants to rub genitals with strangers on an elevator. It's just uncomfortable all around.
3. THOU SHALT WAIT YOUR TURN - Oh, boy. This is another big one for me. If there are people on the elevator and you are getting on, you should wait until everybody who needs to get off actually makes their exit before you come swaggering on with your self-importance. It's a little bit like when you open the door for yourself, and someone takes advantage and scoots in directly in front of you before you can make your exit/entrance. It's RUDE. Hi, I just rode the effing elevator with 10 people down 6 flights and I'm already irritated and/or anxious. Get the hell out of my way and let me get off this death trap before you add your body weight to it. Thanks.

Now that you know how to properly behave (though I never thought for one minute that any of my friends/readers would be so ill behaved), please pass this little gem on to everyone you know. I'm trusting you to disseminate the word.